Everyone at MISS wishes all the MISS-reading Mamas a Happy Mothers’ Day! As a mama myself I know how important it is to feel like all of your hard work and sacrifices are appreciated. I came across this video from a fellow mama on Instagram and I’d be lying if I said that there wasn’t a part of me – albeit a tiny part – that doesn’t relate to this video. Wishing you a Happy Mother’s Day and hoping you can have five minutes of peace on your special day 
Dear MISSter Simms,
I was let go from my job around a year ago and have not had health insurance since. I suffer from adult ADHD and find it extremely hard to concentrate without my medication. I’ve also started developing a bunch of other issues that are affecting my overall health. While I’d love to get these problems taken care of immediately, unfortunately every viable option is either out of my price range or would require a long wait and being seen by a social worker before being able to be seen by a doctor. Getting meds to treat my ADHD would require even more effort and is something that may not work out anyway.
I’m engaged, so that gives me another option. I could secretly marry my fiance and get his health insurance. We were supposed to get married a year from now, but we could speed that up and get married this weekend via court. It’s not my first choice, though. I don’t really want to hide my marriage and I want to have a traditional wedding ceremony with both our families present. Should I suck it up and jump through hoops trying to manage my health issues? Or should I marry my fiance ahead of schedule and jump on his insurance?
Healthiness Equals Happiness
Dear HEH,
Healthcare in America in 2013 is no joke. Someone I know fell off their roof the other day and broke both legs, their pelvis, and a couple of ribs. Fixing those injuries will require an extended hospital stay, multiple surgeries, and eventually rehab. If this person did not have insurance, they would have been screwed as I’m sure they don’t have several hundred thousand dollars stashed under the mattress or in an off-shore bank account somewhere. Instead they can rest comfortably knowing that their provider will be handling the majority of the costs.
Even if nothing like that happens to you, you already have more minor (in comparison) health issues that need to be dealt with now. You mentioned that you can’t currently afford your medication without insurance and need to wait to see a social worker before seeing a doctor, who I’m guessing would hopefully hook you up with free or cheap meds. But…what if you wait and wait and wait and don’t get to see that social worker? What if you see the social worker and they don’t refer you to a doctor? What if you see the doctor, but they don’t deem you worthy of free or cheap medicine? Can you really afford to live with all of these issues being untreated?
I say all that to say that, yes, I totally think you should marry your fiance now and jump on his insurance because you never know what can happen to you in life. But, who says you have to keep it a secret or that you can’t have a traditional ceremony with both your families present. You could have a small ceremony at the courthouse with a few close family members and friends present, sign some papers, and be married. Then, later on down the road, you could still have that big, traditional ceremony you’ve always dreamed of. It’s not necessarily going to be less meaningful because you already signed your papers earlier. And who wants to be deprived of booze and wedding cake?
Dear MISSter Simms,
A few months ago I met a guy who I thought was perfect. He’s incredibly kind, empathetic, and respectful. On top of all that, he’s about to finish law school. And we have great sex. The only problem is that he’s not very spontaneous or funny. He’s safe and kind of boring really. Right when I came to this revelation, I went on a trip with my childhood friend to a cabin in the woods. We had a ton of fun, and I started developing feelings for him. I didn’t act on these feelings, though. I feel guilty about being in a relationship with the “perfect” guy while constantly thinking about someone else. Should I tell either of them how I feel? I’m worried that if I tell my boyfriend he’ll resent me, and if I tell my childhood friend he’ll get weirded out and stop talking to me. I need help making sense of my emotions right now.
Between A Rock and a Hard Place
Dear BARHP,
Here’s what you need to do. First, dump your boyfriend. Clearly he’s not “the perfect guy” if you’re constantly thinking about someone else. In fact, no one is. Everyone is flawed. His flaws just happen to be being “safe and kind of boring” instead of something more common like being ugly, having horrible B.O., or having violent tendencies. It’s not like your boyfriend is going to become out of control and hilarious over night (or ever), and you’ve only invested six months of your life into this relationship. What do you have to lose? Breaking up is never easy, but it is better than being in a relationship where you’re unhappy and stringing the other person along while they think everything is all good. You don’t need to tell him that there’s another guy in your life. All you need to say is that you’re not feeling him as much as you used to and don’t want to be with him anymore. He may cry and/or try to make a case as to why you should be together, but stay strong and stand your friend. It’s better for the both of you.
As for your childhood friend who you think about constantly, once you’ve broken up with your boyfriend you’ll be free to proclaim your love for him. If you’ve been friends since childhood, it should hopefully take more than a confession of your feelings about him to damage your relationship irrevocably forever. And, hey, he might even have the same feelings for you and you two could go build a solid romantic relationship off the back of your long, storied friendship. What could be better than that?
Need relationship advice? Send your questions to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com and you might be featured on the next installment of Ask MISSter Simms.
Dear MISSter Simms,
My boyfriend and I are both young (20) and in a long distance relationship. We’ ve been together for about a year. We have great chemistry and connect with each other as well, which is why I’m OK with us being in a long distance relationship. However, there’s a problem. My boyfriend has only been in long term relationships in the past, and feels like he’s missing out on something. He wants the experience of random hook-ups. We talked about it a while ago, and I thought we’d moved past that issue. Now he’s talking about it again. He told me he thinks I’m the one, and I feel strongly about him too, but he still thinks he’s missing out. I don’t know. I think until he randomly makes out with someone, the feeling will stay bottled up inside him and he’ll “explode” one day. I suggested taking a break so he could do whatever and we’d get back together in a few months or something, but he rejected that idea because he doesn’t believe in breaks and thinks it would hurt me. On the one hand I want his mind to be at ease, but on the other I’m not sure I want him making out with a random girl either. What should I do?
Cautious Lover
Dear CL,
Your boyfriend is a G. He’s brought up the idea of making out with other women with you not once, but twice. And you haven’t stabbed or broken up with him. Wow.
Anyway, it sounds like you’re basically asking if it would be cool for your boyfriend to make out with some random chick so he can get it out of his system and move on. Uh…no? Unless you want your boyfriend to become your ex-boyfriend real fast.
Now, let’s say you guys did go on break so your boyfriend could make out with someone. And let’s say he actually does find that one chick to hook up with. You think he would stop at just one? Hell no. He’s young, probably horny, and sexually inexperienced from what it sounds like. He’s going to get that first taste of a new girl and want some more. And who’s to say he’ll be satisfied with making out with random girls? He may think to himself, “Making out with girls is nice but…I want to get laid!” Why? Because he’s a 20 year old male, and I’m sure he has needs that making out just won’t fulfill.
I know you said that your boyfriend said he thinks you’re the one, and that you feel very strongly about him too, but let’s be real. If you were “the one”, he wouldn’t be out here wishing he could make out with random chicks and feeling like he missed out on something. The fact of the matter is he’s not ready to be in another long term relationship right now. And why should he? He’s already been in some, and now he wants to try something new. And if he doesn’t try the whole hooking up thing, he’s going to sit there and wonder what he missed out on forever. And if he doesn’t get that exploration time and you guys stay together for whatever reason, he’ll probably grow to resent you.
So, I suggest you guys break up. Like, really break up. Not just “go on a break”. It may not be what you want to do, but it’s what you need to do. Let him go run wild sewing his oats, and if he does all that and comes back to you then, by all means, feel free to date him again. What you don’t want to do, however, is keep him around and run the risk of him a) cheating on you or b) dumping you a year or two down the road because he didn’t really want to be in a relationship in the first place.
Need relationship advice? Send your questions over to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com.
Dear MISSter Simms,
I’m getting married to a wonderful guy in a few weeks. I’m completely head over heels in love with the guy, but I have a bit of a problem. You see, I went on his Facebook the other day (which he allows me to do from time to time) and saw that he sent a message to his ex telling her to call him anytime. My fiance dated this girl for many years, was very much in love with her, and claimed it took him a long time to get over her. Now I’m not so sure he’s actually over her.
Maybe I’m overreacting, but I’m seriously considering whether I should marry someone who may still be in love with their ex. Can you be in love with someone else while regretting a previous relationship ending? Does that say anything about the current relationship? Do you think your feelings for certain exes ever goes away? I just don’t want to marry someone who may look at me as their second choice, because that hurts. Is it normal for a guy to contact his ex before he gets married, and should I really be worried about it?
Bride to Be
Dear BTB,
No, it’s definitely not “normal” to contact your ex telling her to call you any time right before you’re about to get married. Especially an ex you dated for several years and are supposedly “over”. Having cold feet before getting married? That’s normal. Being anxious about making a lifelong commitment to someone? Also very normal. Reflecting on past relationships before your big day? I see that as normal too. However, contacting an ex that you clearly don’t speak to that often (otherwise why would you have to tell them to contact you anytime), and inviting them back into your life? Not. Normal. At. All. So no, I don’t think you are overreacting by considering whether or not you should still marry this guy. Clearly there are still some unresolved issues there.
But I think you already knew that. I don’t think you were randomly going through your fiance’s Facebook just for the hell of it. Why would you? The only reason I could see anyone going through another person’s Facebook account is to find out something. I think you were already feeling somewhat insecure in the relationship and didn’t fully trust your fiance, so you needed something to confirm your suspicions.
Now you know that your fiance has some unresolved feelings towards his ex. Anything else you should be suspicious of or insecure about? Any other nagging doubts that you have regarding your relationship? I’d definitely add everything up when trying to decided whether you should go through with your future wedding. You also need to talk to your fiance before making any decisions. You said he’s aware that you check his Facebook, so you should feel free to confront him about what you saw and find out directly from him why he decided to reach out to an ex before getting married. If his answer is satisfactory, then, by all means, go ahead and marry him. If it isn’t, however, I’d definitely at least postpone the wedding if not cancel it outright. And if you go that route, I recommend doing some soul searching to figure out if this is really the dude you want to be with forever.
Need relationship advice? Send your questions to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com and you might be featured on the next installment of Ask MISSter Simms.
