Dear MISSter Simms,
I met this guy through my best friend. We quickly became friends and now hang out with the same group of people. We have a lot in common. The other day he made it clear that he would be interested in a relationship, and I think if we started dating, we would work well together. There’s just one problem: the friend who introduced us. She recently mentioned that she’s interested in the guy, and has been for quite a while now. She knows the guy is interested in me, but has no idea about how I feel about him. I’m not sure what to do. On the one hand I could take the chance with the guy and possibly damage my relationship with my friend forever…and there’s no chance that me and the guy would work out long term. On the other hand, I could just forget about him and find someone that none of my friends are interested in. What do you think?
You already know dating someone your friend is into will probably ruin your relationship. The real question is: would it be worth it? Potentially you wouldn’t be losing just the one friend. If you guys hang out with the same group of people, you could potentially lose all your friends. How do you think the other people would react upon learning that you’re dating a guy that you knew someone was interested in? They might not give a crap…or, they might treat you like scum who doesn’t care about betraying your friends. Is this guy worth risking that happening?
And, really, it would be kind of a betrayal. It’s not like you guys were at a party, ran into the dude together, developed a crush on him at the same (damn) time, and he one day chose to be with you. At least in that scenario you don’t come out looking like a backstabber. But that’s not how it is, is it? She knew him first, introduced you two, and then let you know that she’s had a crush on him for years. Knowing all that, you would look like the. worst. friend. ever for dating him anyway.
That said, there is some good news. She knows that he likes you. She might come to the realization that she doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of getting with him and leave him alone. Then you could swoop in guilt free. If that doesn’t happen she may just get bored eternally waiting for the dude to put a move on her and find someone else. She might even be real bold and strike up a conversation about you and the guy dating. You could use that as a way to gauge how she feels about that. If that happens, don’t just blurt out that you have a serious crush on the dude and want to have like 20 of his babies. Try to be a little subtle by saying something like, “Oh, him? Yeah, he’s kinda cute….”
These are all things to think about, along with this quote from Jean de la Fontaine. “Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer.”
Need relationship advice? Send your questions over to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com.