After a first date, is it correct to send the first email back saying thank you for a great time? I’m perplexed as to when I should allow homies to take the lead.

The Professional:

Don’t be perplexed, your question is valid. There are way too many unwritten rules about dating and many of those unwritten rules just don’t translate in today’s social climate. In addition, technology has changed the way we communicate with each other. To answer your question, I don’t see anything wrong with sending the first “thank you” or “I had a great time” message. There is nothing wrong with being excited and honest. However, I do think that the message should be communicated through calling rather than emailing or texting. Text messaging and email might be easier and less confrontational, but they are both emotionally disengaged. There is nothing like the excitement of talking to a new interest on the phone or in person. Although at times actual communication tends to be awkward and disjointed, the heart palpitations and uncomfortable pauses make life worth living.

The Jerk:

What are you, a ho? Just kidding. If I was a chick, I would wait. Let dude squirm. Nothing like a girl that plays hot and cold at the infancy stages of a relationship. Girls, if you want to know if your dude is down, you have to play the hot and cold routine. Nothing crazy like one minute saying “I think I could fall in love with you” and then avoiding dude for two days. But, a little of the reserved attraction goes a long way. Stare into his eyes, play with your hair, you know, all that shit you do that drives a dude crazy. But you have to stop there. Nothing overtly sexual, no kissing with the tongue, humping, rubbing, poking, pulling, twisting, petting, or physical until it is absolutely impossible to avoid or two months, whichever takes longer. I know, I know, but shit works. You have have no idea how powerful you are in a relationship. I hate saying this, but once give up the goods, a dude’s attention fades like hunger after a big steak. Patience is the trick and usually separates the scum from the rest.

Oh, and use the fucking phone when dealing with someone you have interest in. If you want to know if someone is down for the cause, listen to their damn voice and look into their eyes. Hell, you don’t need to know someone’s name to respond to their email or text.

Why do men like to keep things open-ended, even if they’re the ones who broke up with you?

The Professional: To be frank, they are still interested in some form of a relationship (physical or emotional) with you but also letting you know they want to find someone else.  Before I go any further, we have to acknowledge that this tactic is used by both women and men.  Fair is fair. Like everything in life, this approach has its pluses and minuses, either: (a) you’ve made a difficult and honest long term decision yet still desire passion or friendship; or (b) you’ve made a decision but are afraid to be alone.  One way, you’re a hero, the other, you are a villain.  Context is everything.

All that being said, my advice to the recipient of this type of messaging: accept and move on.  Move on emotionally immediately.  Staying committed to someone who is not, is just emotionally foolish and likely to cause a whole host of new issues.

The Jerk: What do you think?  Dude wants out but still wants booty call options.  You know, he’s looking for a new car but still loves driving his old Honda Civic.  Come on.  He wants to get the Doritos’ variety pack, but still loves the original Lays’.  Get it?  How about, he’s looking to buy a new house but wants to keep his rental.  Alright, alright, he likes playing paddy cake with you but wants to play Monopoly with some other girls (who he hasn’t met yet but thinks they will play much better than you).  Shit, he wants to hump you, but he also wants to hump other people.  Sketchy, sketchy, sketchy.   I suggest you give dude some of his own medicine if he takes that approach, tell him you were thinking the exact same thing and then tell him you have a date and have to run.  Oh, and don’t answer his calls for three days.  All’s fair in love and war.

What will it take for a man to propose, aside from finding the right girl? For example, job stability, getting older, friends getting married . . .

The Professional: I have had friends that popped the question hours after meeting a girl they perceived to be Mrs. Right (ring and everything within five hours of initial introduction) and I have had friends that have avoided the question for years. Simply put, everyone is different. The decision usually hinges on finding Mrs. Right, but there are a number of other issues one might want solidified before getting down on one knee. Below is a short list that might be of help:

1. Financial Stability - Love is a great thing but I have to remind you that financial issues cause most divorces. Whether you’re on the traditional or non-traditional life/career path, bills have to be paid, dreams have to be invested in and vacations will need to be taken. Regardless of whether you think money is good or bad, having it doesn’t hurt.

2. The Ring – Let’s be honest, the ring is extremely important and can be expensive. Although started as a marketing gimmick, the general rule is for the engagement ring to equal three months of your fiancés salary before taxes. It may take some time but your man could be delaying the question until he can afford the right ring.

3. Location, Location, Location – This is for the long distance couples. Eventually, someone is going to have to compromise and the compromise needs to happen before the question is asked.

4. Commitment – One question, is your man ready for the responsibilities and obligations of marriage? This might be the most significant issue on the list and it really comes down to whether he wants to be single or married. For some, it is just the next step in life. For others, it is not so easy. Let’s be honest, some people can handle being married, others can’t. Before your man gets down on one knee, he might need to make sure he knows who he is and what he is capable of.

The Jerk: Every guy has to ask himself if there is only one Mrs. Right. Some dudes want the variety, some dudes are ready to settle down. The money, the job, and all the other crap is important but it all comes down to whether dude is done trying to upgrade. Ladies, don’t get upset, you should be asking yourself the same question.

To have your question answered by OHW2007, please leave your question in a comment below or email it to miss@misscrew.com.

Poll Answers

Hello M.I.S.S. Readers,
The M.I.S.S. ladies thought it would be an interesting idea to add an advice column to the site but with a little twist – we’re having a guy answer your relationship and life issues so you can hear what the other half has to say. So without further ado, I introduce to you my better half, OHW2007. If you have any questions, be sure to submit them at miss@misscrew.com.
xoxo GDK

Let’s get all of the bullshit out of the way before we get to the fun: giving advice. Plain and simple, at the ripe old age of 34, I’m writing this column to pass down the years of good and bad advice I’ve received. My goal is to answer any and all relationship or life questions you can throw at me with an objective voice. To make this more interesting, I thought it would be a little humorous and add some perspective by taking two points of view, one from my current age of 34, as a happily married man, and the other from my, let’s just say more “active” early 20’s. (Yes, Mr. Chappelle did a skit with the same theme, what the hell). Basically, think of it as a “twofer,” you’re getting advice from a Professional (humble, mannered, educated, well traveled and financially stable) and also from a Jerk (poor, skateboard riding, no medical insurance having, top ramen with tuna (or hot dog) eating, $5 twelve pack drinking, student).

Oh, and to all MISS and MAMA family members who know me, the Boss (GDK) has removed any and all reference to your identity so I have no clue who I am responding to.

Alright, let’s get to work . . .

Question:
When it comes to letting the dude know that you like him, is that really necessary? Do guys usually know when a girl is into them? And, if hinting is necessary, what’s a good way to do it and not look like a hot mess?!

Read the full story for the answer.
Read the full story