Life 2.0 by OHW2007

Dear OHW2007,

I’m dating two guys right now. One is in London. He’s a great guy. He makes good money, but he’s not really my type as far as his body type and how he keeps his house. He is filthy - and when I saw his house filthy like that it kind of turned me off. Now, whenever I think about him touching me I get grossed out.

This other guy is here in LA. We met while the other guy went back home to London for work. He’s nice, he’s very very cute. Latino, tall, he doesn’t make as much as the other guy would but he still tries to provide for himself and his little girl. He seems to be a hard worker - he has to be, he doesn’t have anyone to fall back on. He’s in this country alone.

I would love to work with the London guy, we are both into media, film etc… but I don’t think it will work as far as us being together. Is it wrong to tell him I’ve been dating someone else and I want to be friends. Am I being shallow for not thinking hes hot?!? Is it selfish for women to tell men they want to be friends… am I gonna get some nasty karma for dating 2 men at once?? Do I really give a fuck?!!? I don’t know. HELP!!

Sorry everyone, the Professional took the night off….

The Jerk: I love it, I love it. Money vs. looks and filth vs. friend vs. giving a fuck. Dope. Dope. Dope.

Alright, let’s get to it. Sounds like both dudes have their issues, so I’m not sure you really need to make the call. I mean, I don’t know much about your total situation, but sounds like you’re still in dating mode and not looking to be locked down. Dating is cool. Catching numbers is really cool. Humping without protection, not so cool. If you feel like playing the field, play ball (intentionally avoiding a good joke).

When you find the right person, you know in your heart and bank account that the deal is done. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not about girls going for the stacks. I am about girls being able to take care of themselves (I know, not so jerk-ish). Money comes and goes. If homeboy can’t take care of himself financially, unless your middle name is cougar or sugar mama, you best be out.

Regarding filth, there is a fine line between messy and sloth. When I was living in NYC I had a roommate we used to call “sloth.” Simply put, the dude was a pig. Crusty towel and multiple day old open takeout containers left around the couch type of dude. Girls, don’t let dudes like that get some action. If you can’t sleep the night at your dude’s house because you’re afraid of catching the plague, just leave. Always remember, your partner is a representation of you. If your man has a stinky ass, well, people will think you have a stinky ass. Avoid stinky ass.

And looks, well, in my opinion, the uglier the better. You want a dude who worships the ground you walk on. Just try to stay away from (1) To Catch a Predator looking type dudes (I really miss that show), (2) dudes that drool during daylight hours, and (3) dudes that naturally always have their mouth open. Take it from me, the pretty people eventually become the ugly people and the people who used to be the ugly people, become the wealthy people.

And at the end of the day, just be honest with everyone you’re dating. Don’t be an jerk and make the dudes you date think you’re on some exclusive shit when you’re just catching numbers. That just sucks for everyone involved.

Dear OHW2007,

What do guys really think of dating a female with a child?

So I’ve been single for almost 2 damn years and feel like I give off this “motherly” aura and that’s why I haven’t met anyone. Ok, so within those 2 years I’ve probably got to know….eh…. 1 ½ guys. But that didn’t all kick into gear until over a year of being single. Maybe it’s some subconscious thing I’ve got going on and it’s actually being reflected on the outside as well. I just feel like a woman with a child is definitely a top reason why guys stray away…they don’t want to deal with any baby daddy drama. It’s all good, I’m handling mines and that’s all that matters, but at times a woman’s gotta feel loved in more ways than one. I’m still young and wanna have fun too. What’s the deal….

The Professional:
I think you’re very perceptive in questioning the possibility that it is a subconscious issue. Sometimes our fears or our presumed beliefs express themselves in our actions. You might want to ask yourself if you are truly putting yourself out there. Remember, a relationship can only start with a conversation. If you’re not talking to guys, well, regardless of baby daddy drama, the odds of getting close to someone is highly unlikely. Stop worrying about the “top reason” for a guy not to be interested in you and start focusing on all the love you and your child deserve. I suggest you spend the next month reviewing your wardrobe and gear up for your next mission in life: Operation Sexy Mama.

The Jerk:
Unless your baby daddy has a shotgun and reminds every male around you about his aim on the daily, I don’t think you should be worried about baby daddy drama. Oh, and what’s up with only getting to know 1.5 guys? Was one of the guys really short or were you talking to Siamese twins, I’m really confused. Anyway, let’s move on. You need to hit up the meat market, you know, the sausage party and start getting your groove on, kinda like Stella (I’ve never actually seen the movie but sounded like a good way to end the sentence). I’m not saying date men in volumes, I’m just trying to say you have to start talking to the opposite sex more than just a Siamese twin and his brother. You might want to improve your odds by trying the whole on-line dating thing. I’ve seen the ads and they look legit, plus you can narrow your search criteria without having to ask every guy you meet to fill out a parenting questionnaire. Good luck, have fun and don’t get arrested.

Dear OHW2007,
There’s this guy, we have had a mutual best friend for years but never really hung out just met a bunch of times. He is not initially good looking, I mean he is very short, (so am I) but he knows everybody and is really clued in to pretty much everything cool especially in fashion, music clubs restaurants etc, he owns his own company he is really picky and has very discerning taste, . . . but he really not so “hot” just kinda cute in a trollish way . . . my friends tell me I am to cute for him. So anyway one night we discover we are attracted to another, that weekend we go out we make out,we hang out again the next week we make out,then I get really sick. I have to take all this medicine and am sick with an intestinal problem for a month, we still hang out, but I am not particularly feeling sexy, not really focused on making out or sleeping with him, more focused on getting as fucked as as possible because my belly hurts so bad…… so he decided I am a really lame and get too drunk ( I had a Vicodin prescription) and basically disses me, stops asking me to hang out, but I get better and we don’t talk, I let it alone. My pride is wounded especially because he is kinda trollish and I was sick and on bad behavior so it was my fault. A few times I see him, and I act like its cool whatever we are friends, then I run into him at a club, we talk and then I ask him if he wants to make out, we do, hen he leaves because he is working, he’s part owner of a bar. Then I see him at our mutual friends wedding, we leave together, we hang out, then when we are saying goodbye he goes to kiss me, and i say “no i don’t think so”, and I tell him “you dissed me, and it sucks, because I don’t usually get dissed by a guy I like and I really liked you but I was so sick and badly behaved and I’m really bothered by the way it all went down. and I am just saying this because we have mutual friends and I want things to be cool between us.” He says ” I didn’t diss you, I like hanging out with you when I do, I just don’t want a girlfriend right now, but I want to be friends and I want things to be cool and I want to make out.” I said, “I don’t want a boyfriend either but I want to make out,” so we make out, and I give him such a really really good kiss, (for the first time), an I really like you super hot long make out kiss, and he said “that was nice” (and proceeded to get hit by a car on the way home, just a funny side note, and he is fine, and i only know this from face book because…) I have not contacted him since, he hasn’t had a girlfriend for years and years and years, and I think he will like me soon maybe since I’m not acting retardedly anymore, just wondering, if I should definitely not really contact him, and should I just make out with him whenever I see . . . if i make out with him whenever I see him, will he just not take me seriously? Or will it just be fun, and cool with the possibility of a more serious future? Because actually I do want the right boyfriend someday. Am I completely crazy for thinking I have a chance with this guy because I have already ruined it?

The Professional: Now that was a long a long question. Your question has everything to do with expectation setting. Sounds like you have the “friends with benefits” relationship down but I think your “trollish” friend is happy with the just the occasional make-out.  Keep in mind, you set this expectation with him by telling him you were not interested in a boyfriend. Remember, you like to hook-up in and out of the club, you like a beverage or two and you don’t want a boyfriend.  Secondly, the fact that he didn’t contact you after a car accident, even if it was minor, tends to lead  one to believe he only sees you as a make-out option but not a long term possibility.

It is extremely difficult to read just how one sees you once the expectations are set.     Once a hook-up option, always a hook-up option. I’m not saying it is impossible to roll a hook-up relationship into and boyfriend/girlfriend situation, but it usually takes a fundamental change.  Try not hooking-up next time you see him in the club just to test his reaction. Seems like you’ve tried to say “no” in the past, but succumbed to your desires.  A good test never hurts and is a great way to see where people stand. If you say “no” and Mr. Troll decides focuses his attentions on another hook-up opportunity, well you should look elsewhere for love.

Remember, you make your own destiny. If you want to hook-up, then hook-up. If you tired of the same old hooking-up, then try something new. Try not hooking-up and what comes out of it. It’s your life and you can control peoples expectations through your actions. Self control is not a bad thing in the long run.

Read the full story to hear what the Jerk has to say.
Read the full story

After a first date, is it correct to send the first email back saying thank you for a great time? I’m perplexed as to when I should allow homies to take the lead.

The Professional:

Don’t be perplexed, your question is valid. There are way too many unwritten rules about dating and many of those unwritten rules just don’t translate in today’s social climate. In addition, technology has changed the way we communicate with each other. To answer your question, I don’t see anything wrong with sending the first “thank you” or “I had a great time” message. There is nothing wrong with being excited and honest. However, I do think that the message should be communicated through calling rather than emailing or texting. Text messaging and email might be easier and less confrontational, but they are both emotionally disengaged. There is nothing like the excitement of talking to a new interest on the phone or in person. Although at times actual communication tends to be awkward and disjointed, the heart palpitations and uncomfortable pauses make life worth living.

The Jerk:

What are you, a ho? Just kidding. If I was a chick, I would wait. Let dude squirm. Nothing like a girl that plays hot and cold at the infancy stages of a relationship. Girls, if you want to know if your dude is down, you have to play the hot and cold routine. Nothing crazy like one minute saying “I think I could fall in love with you” and then avoiding dude for two days. But, a little of the reserved attraction goes a long way. Stare into his eyes, play with your hair, you know, all that shit you do that drives a dude crazy. But you have to stop there. Nothing overtly sexual, no kissing with the tongue, humping, rubbing, poking, pulling, twisting, petting, or physical until it is absolutely impossible to avoid or two months, whichever takes longer. I know, I know, but shit works. You have have no idea how powerful you are in a relationship. I hate saying this, but once give up the goods, a dude’s attention fades like hunger after a big steak. Patience is the trick and usually separates the scum from the rest.

Oh, and use the fucking phone when dealing with someone you have interest in. If you want to know if someone is down for the cause, listen to their damn voice and look into their eyes. Hell, you don’t need to know someone’s name to respond to their email or text.

Dear OHW2007,

I am in a weird situation. I have a crush on this guy but there’s two dilemmas. One is that he lives in a city that is 5 1/2 hours away from me, and two is that I am having a baby. I am no longer with the father and we have both agreed we’re not going to pretend to be a couple because that would cause more harm than harmony. He has already started dated another girl and I am totally fine with it, the only unfair advantage of course is that I am the one who is physically showing the pregnancy so it just looks bad. Plus i think its also a taboo in many cultures and probably illegal in many countries. But this new guy is really great and we get along really well. He’s well aware of my situation and that hasn’t stopped him from talking to me, which means our feelings are growing more and more. If we decide to get together I obviously cant do anything with him until many months later and on borrowed time, so it will almost be like high school when you made your boyfriend wait a while to prove himself to you. Am I being too hopelessly romantic or should I just stop now, before I end up in a dysfunctional relationship?

-MILF-to-be

The Professional:
Dear MILF-to-be,
First off, I have to say that I’m very impressed with your emotional maturity. The fact that you’ve been able to realize the harm of raising a child in an environment in which the parents are not on the same page speaks volumes on your emotional strengths. I wish you the best.

As for your relationship issues, it sounds as though you are taking them day by day, which is the only way. Although a long distance relationship does present some struggles, my sense is that you’re moving forward with eyes wide open. I really don’t see a dilemma if you and your new interest are fully aware of what is expected of the other. If you’re just friends, well, just make sure you’re not emotionally committing yourself to anything more than just being friends. Be careful, be very careful, you don’t want to get ahead of yourself or your heart. With everything else that is happening in your life, you should focus on stability and consistency. You are entering the next stage in life’s journey, the less bumpy the road the better.

Remember dysfunction breeds when people don’t have the same expectations. If you and your new interest are on the same page, and both of you have the same answer when asked “what’s next”, well your starting off on the right foot.

Oh, don’t be so concerned with advantages or disadvantages, I’m sure you look as beautiful as ever.

The Jerk:
Ain’t that some shit. Papa is a rolling stone and already working a new angle. I wonder what his pick up line was, “Yo lady, my seeds work, wanna go gardening?” I get it, the relationship didn’t work, but dude, at least ease up on your game until the bun is out of the oven. Who is he, Johnny Apple Seed? Shit, all of that money going to the new girlie should be going to a college fund for junior. I just don’t understand people.

Alright, this is about you, MILF-to-be, and not your ex-homeboy, sorry for the rant. Your pregnant, big deal, you still have needs. If you like dude, spend time with dude. Just make sure dude has an idea as to what’s up. The last thing you want is for him to be on some “this is my pregnant friend” shit while your hoping for more. That’s some tough shit. To be honest, if I was in your shoes, I would be on some all men are assholes type of shit for a few months. I mean, you might be on some rebound shit. Listen to some New Edition and cool it down for a bit.

But what the fuck do I know, if you want to take another chance on the relationship roller coaster, do what you think is best. Just remember to take care of yourself. Sometimes being alone makes us stronger, sometimes we spend to much time looking for love in others when we need to realize that all the love one needs is inside oneself. Ain’t that some “awww” type shit right there.

Oh, and one thing I do know, after seeing the movie Knocked-Up, pregnant ladies can still get down, so . . . uhh, I’m think I’m going to stop right now before I lose this column.

Have fun, be honest with yourself, and tell your baby’s daddy to start forking over the lunch money.

To have your question answered by OHW2007 either sumbit it in a comment below, or to keep it anonymous, please send to miss@missomnimedia.com!

Why do men like to keep things open-ended, even if they’re the ones who broke up with you?

The Professional: To be frank, they are still interested in some form of a relationship (physical or emotional) with you but also letting you know they want to find someone else.  Before I go any further, we have to acknowledge that this tactic is used by both women and men.  Fair is fair. Like everything in life, this approach has its pluses and minuses, either: (a) you’ve made a difficult and honest long term decision yet still desire passion or friendship; or (b) you’ve made a decision but are afraid to be alone.  One way, you’re a hero, the other, you are a villain.  Context is everything.

All that being said, my advice to the recipient of this type of messaging: accept and move on.  Move on emotionally immediately.  Staying committed to someone who is not, is just emotionally foolish and likely to cause a whole host of new issues.

The Jerk: What do you think?  Dude wants out but still wants booty call options.  You know, he’s looking for a new car but still loves driving his old Honda Civic.  Come on.  He wants to get the Doritos’ variety pack, but still loves the original Lays’.  Get it?  How about, he’s looking to buy a new house but wants to keep his rental.  Alright, alright, he likes playing paddy cake with you but wants to play Monopoly with some other girls (who he hasn’t met yet but thinks they will play much better than you).  Shit, he wants to hump you, but he also wants to hump other people.  Sketchy, sketchy, sketchy.   I suggest you give dude some of his own medicine if he takes that approach, tell him you were thinking the exact same thing and then tell him you have a date and have to run.  Oh, and don’t answer his calls for three days.  All’s fair in love and war.

Dear OHW2007,
When dating around 20 to 24, are the majority of men looking to date just for fun or do they secretly date for long term?

The Jerk:
To put it simply, some heads are looking for quality, some heads are looking for quantity. Just depends on the guy. Some guys want to poke everything that moves and others are serial monogamists. That being said, no dude in his right mind would be getting hitched or actively thinking about getting hitched before twenty-five. I’m not saying that long term dating is out of the question, but relationships in the early 20’s tend to be of the day by day, week by week, or month by month quality. Let’s be honest, most heads are thinking about themselves in their early 20’s. They are setting priorities like getting fucking wasted, humping, paying rent, humping, eating, getting even more wasted, sleeping, humping, working, or just trying to figure out who they really are after humping. I suspect that most girls are in the same boat, without the excessive desire to hump everything that moves. I figure the early 20’s are about getting to know yourself and the world around you, not settling down. Doesn’t make too much sense to close your options until you know what your own deal is.

Oh, if you’re married in your early 20’s and reading this, please disregard everything I just said. Je suis malade.

The Professional:
I would say the majority of men in their early twenties are focused on their careers, education, or self-development. Of course, all humans are looking for some form of companionship, which might be in the form of a one-night stand or a long term relationship. If you want to know the truth, the simplest course would be to ask your man (or love interest) what he is looking for. Most people are honest enough to tell you whether they are looking for a long term or short term relationship. Also remember, if you feel your guy is not being up front with you, take that as a sign of a fear of commitment or simply shady character. In addition, context and alcohol will always play a factor. When you are looking for honesty, avoid asking deep relationship questions anytime near last call.

Poll Answers

What will it take for a man to propose, aside from finding the right girl? For example, job stability, getting older, friends getting married . . .

The Professional: I have had friends that popped the question hours after meeting a girl they perceived to be Mrs. Right (ring and everything within five hours of initial introduction) and I have had friends that have avoided the question for years. Simply put, everyone is different. The decision usually hinges on finding Mrs. Right, but there are a number of other issues one might want solidified before getting down on one knee. Below is a short list that might be of help:

1. Financial Stability - Love is a great thing but I have to remind you that financial issues cause most divorces. Whether you’re on the traditional or non-traditional life/career path, bills have to be paid, dreams have to be invested in and vacations will need to be taken. Regardless of whether you think money is good or bad, having it doesn’t hurt.

2. The Ring - Let’s be honest, the ring is extremely important and can be expensive. Although started as a marketing gimmick, the general rule is for the engagement ring to equal three months of your fiancés salary before taxes. It may take some time but your man could be delaying the question until he can afford the right ring.

3. Location, Location, Location - This is for the long distance couples. Eventually, someone is going to have to compromise and the compromise needs to happen before the question is asked.

4. Commitment - One question, is your man ready for the responsibilities and obligations of marriage? This might be the most significant issue on the list and it really comes down to whether he wants to be single or married. For some, it is just the next step in life. For others, it is not so easy. Let’s be honest, some people can handle being married, others can’t. Before your man gets down on one knee, he might need to make sure he knows who he is and what he is capable of.

The Jerk: Every guy has to ask himself if there is only one Mrs. Right. Some dudes want the variety, some dudes are ready to settle down. The money, the job, and all the other crap is important but it all comes down to whether dude is done trying to upgrade. Ladies, don’t get upset, you should be asking yourself the same question.

To have your question answered by OHW2007, please leave your question in a comment below or email it to miss@misscrew.com.

Poll Answers

Dear OHW2007,
I just joined Yahoo personals . . . Shhhh!!! Don’t tell anybody. It’s still kinda embarrassing. ;-p So on the site there is this icebreaker feature to send to someone you come across that you “like.” Should I be using this feature or is it unladylike and desperate? If it’s not desperate enough to be online dating . . . mostly, I’m just bored.

The Professional: Relax, there is no need to be embarrassed. If you are in the working world, finding time to date or even meet people can be very difficult and, at points, frustrating. I am always amazed at my single friends and how they find time to meet new people while holding down full-time working schedules. In this busy world we live in, there is nothing wrong with using the efficiencies of technology to help you through the vicious and time consuming world of dating. Regarding the “ice breaker” feature, I suggest you use it sparingly and only when you truly believe the recipient is a cut above the rest. In order to meet Mr./Mrs. Right, you’ll need to put yourself out there to a certain extent. Don’t worry, mingle, mingle, mingle. Just one thing though, on-line flirting is still flirting and aggressive flirting could suggest that you are more interested in “short term” aspirations than a long term relationship.

The Jerk: Don’t kid yourself, everyone using an online dating service is desperate. You know it, the other users know it, and those not using it know it too. Everyone who dates online is trying to bump the nasties without putting in any work like brushing their teeth, putting clean underwear on or having to leave their house. Perfect. Shit, trying to get your pick-up on while your sitting on your couch in dirty sweat pants sounds like a good idea to me. Have fun, go to all the sites, click all the buttons, talk to all the people. You go girl. Oh, just watch out for dudes with the whole perv or pedophile look (you know, the tight nut-hugger jeans and mustache look - applies to men and women). Sketchy.

And one last thing ladies, please make sure your on-line profile and picture are accurate representation of who you are. I’ve heard a few stories a little too similar to Smokey’s date with the girl who said she looked like “Janet Jackson.” Sketchy. Remember, honesty is always the best policy.

If you have question that you want answered by OHW2007, please send it to miss@misscrew.com - all info is kept confidential and questions authors are not posted.

Image by OHW2007

Girrrrrls, there’s only one thing worse than a pair of kicks being sold out, and that’s the shoe not being available in your size in the first place!  Most of the shoes that I like and want are never sized down small enough for my little feet.  No quickstrikes, no tier zeros, no limited-edition fill-in-your-favorite-sneaker-company here.  What’s a girl to do??  Sign the Female Sneaker Fiend Petition! FSF has a petition going to show support for offering men’s kicks in smaller size runs so that women can have the same chance to get those kicks that we all want, but can’t have.  Here’s what Female Sneaker Fiend says:

De la souls? Stussy 25th Anniversary’s? Sole Collector event colorways? As if these sneakers aren’t hard enough to find, how about finding them in a size 5? Why is it that the hottest sneakers, the most fashionable and creative, are coming out only in men’s sizes? Why is it that anyone under a men’s US7 is considered a “youth”? Women are sneaker enthusiasts just like their male counter-parts, and it’s unfair to us that the hottest new sneakers don’t size down small enough. We hunt just as hard as the men, we wait in lines that are just as long, we pay just as much money, and yet more often than not many of us end up disappointed because companies don’t size small enough and disregard catering to women when limited editions come out. As if that isn’t bad enough, some of the nicest boutiques don’t even carry the smaller sizes, even when they’re made!

Not all women who love sneakers are tag-alongs for their boyfriends. We should be able to have the same opportunity to collect and purchase sneakers just like men. We all want the perfect kicks to add to our collection. We all want the same chances to expand our collections. Instead it’s a struggle to stand on our own as we travel from shop to shop and drop money into an industry that obviously does not bother to notice our growing numbers.

We who sign this petition want all the major sneaker brands to carry their most popular and most exclusive products in smaller sizes. We are not “youth,” we are grown women with killer sneaker collections. We can and will buy all the hottest stuff if it’s in our size.

Does that sound familiar? It’s an all too familiar story with me - that’s why I signed the petition, and you should too!  Sign the petition here and many good lookin’ out Female Sneaker Fiend!