Always A Lady: How To Sit Like A Lady

It’s a scene I see almost every night on late night television: A Hollywood starlet is getting interviewed and she’s wearing the mini-dress du jour. She sits on the coach, crosses her legs at the knees, not knowing that the cameras are angled so that she’s probably revealing a bit more than she intends to. Sitting seems like something really basic – we spend a good deal of the day sitting – but it’s astonishing how few women know how to sit like a lady.

My mother taught me how to sit like a lady and the lessons started pretty early. One of my memories from school is sitting on stage for an award ceremony. My mother was in the audience and I looked at her and smiled. She smiled back and took her two fingers and crossed them (the way my legs were crossed at the knee) and uncrossed them. I don’t know how I understood this primitive form of sign language, but I knew immediately that she meant for me to uncross my legs at the knee.

You’re probably wondering, “How do you sit like a lady? Can I never cross my legs at the knee?” The answer is – it all depends on the length of your skirt. If you’re wearing a knee length skirt/dress or longer, then you can safely cross your legs at the knee. If you’re wearing anything shorter, crossing your legs at the knee may mean you’re revealing a bit more than you intend to. Instead, cross your legs at the ankle.

How do you cross your legs at the ankle? Easy.

1. Sit down with your legs straight in front of you.
2. Angle your knees to either side, left or right, whatever your preference.
3. Criss-cross your ankles.

And the most important part? Regardless of whether you’re crossing your legs at the knee or the ankle, posture is the icing on the cake that will transform you from one of those girls, to a lady.

Always A Lady: The model is illustrating step 2. Next, cross your legs at the ankles.

Always A Lady: Don't Get Your Honey Where You Make Your Money

The office romance* – it’s a scene ingrained in our cultural psyche. And, how could it not be? People in the U.S. spend more time working than anywhere else in the industrialized world. Unlike most European countries with their siestas and month-long summer vacations, Americans spend a most of their time at work. So, it’s only natural that you would form connections with the people you spend the most time with, right? Wrong.  No matter how logical or convenient an office romance seems, 99% of the time it’s a very bad idea.

Whenever I think of “office romance” scenes from the 1950s-1960s pop into my head with married business men having affairs with their secretaries. Times have changed, and now women are the executives and have much, much more to lose. Whenever you mix business with pleasure, the result is usually disaster. So, why is this so wrong?

The situation in the workplace has gotten so sticky that we now have sexual harassment laws in place to regulate behavior. What you think is innocent flirting, can actually get you into lots of trouble, especially when you are not on the same managerial level. If one person is more senior, then you’re getting into murky territory and you’re entering quid pro quo territory, i.e, go out with me, and I’ll give you a promotion. Most companies these days have resources and meetings explaining the sexual harassment policies, and many others prohibit them entirely. If you do decide to fling all logic aside, at least proceed with caution and stay within legal bounds.

Legalities aside, there are subtle ways that an office fling can hurt your career. For one, if word gets out (it always does), you will instantly lose credibility. Unfortunately this is directed more toward the ladies. One fling and you will be labeled the “office tramp” – not so with your male counterpart. Sorry ladies, I didn’t make the rules. I don’t like them and don’t think they are fair but that’s how you will be perceived. Ignoring that will not will it out of existence.

All of the hard work that you put into advancing your career has the potential of slipping away with one office fling. You can lose credibility, and your achievements won’t look merit-based but reward-based – regardless of whether that’s true or not.

If you are the more senior person in the relationship then people will suspect that you can’t stay impartial and are playing favorites. If you’re a manager you need to have your team’s respect and they can’t feel that you favor one person because of personal relationships. Even if you don’t favor one person, there are definitely people who look for excuses to cause trouble and will perceive it that way.

Like any rule, there are exceptions, and you always hear about that couple at work that fell madly in love, got married and lived happily ever after. That does happen – rarely. It’s understandable. If you work in the same place, chances are you have some similar interests and goals. My advice? Take it very slow and be very discreet. If romance is prohibited in the workplace, and the relationship is that serious, one of you may consider finding another job.

The mind never rule affairs of the heart, if it did, it would be affairs of the mind (and that doesn’t sound like any fun). You can’t control who you take an interest in. My main advice is to play it smart and proceed with caution. Before you act on any impulses, think about whether your serious or if it’s a fling. Think about whether it’s worth the risk to the career you’ve worked long and hard at building. Save the flings for outside the office and “Don’t get you honey where you make your money.”

* I use the term “office romance” loosely and can be interpreted as workplace romance

The other day I was walking down the street and saw this couple kissing while leaning on a car. The kissing lead to groping and a bit more – all on the street in broad daylight. As I approached the car I noticed they were leaning against the window and there was an elderly man sitting right next to the window! He looked a little out of it and bewildered and I couldn’t help thinking, “Get a room!�
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My mom had lots of little sayings that she used to throw my way when I was growing up – one of the ones that comes to mind repeatedly is: “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” This phrase is hundreds of years old and in reading the news lately, it seems there are some girls whose moms never taught them this very basic lesson. There were 2 events in particular that made me think of this: First, was another “diva moment’ where Naomi Campbell caused a ruckus and then proceeded to spit on people. The second, and more disturbing, was a group of teenage girls in Florida who ganged up on an innocent “friend” and beat the crap out of her so they could put the video up on youtube.

For a woman who is “always a lady”, this lesson is one of the most important. “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar” simply means: “You can win people to your side more easily by gentle persuasion and flattery than by hostile confrontation.” Bartleby. Or, even more simply put: BE NICE! You’d be amazed how well this works. It’s all about keeping your cool and relying on your womanly charm. No, you don’t have to “show some leg” or “bat your eyelashes” – it’s all about staying calm in the face of adversity. A lady always maintains the higher moral ground. Just because someone is acting like an ass to you, you don’t need to reciprocate and act like an ass yourself. Trust me, it takes all manner of self control to do this, but I assure you, you will feel 100% better knowing that you didn’t stoop to someone else’s pathetic level. Here are some easy places to start . . .

1. Don’t spit on people (Naomi, Pumpkin, – are you listening??)

2. Don’t beat the crap out of people to achieve your “15 minutes of fame” (So unbecoming of a lady – a lady does not inflict bodily harm and only does so to defend herself or her friends/family)

3. When you’re calling those customer service lines, be patient and polite. You know you are going to sit on hold for 10 minutes. Accept it, you’ll be in a better mood when the rep gets on the phone. The rep is there to help you. They will be more likely to help you if you are nice to them. If they are not helping don’t yell at them, just ask to speak to their manager.

4. The most basic, and unfortunately, the most forgotten: Be polite and say “please” and “thank you”

A lady always knows when to turn on the charm. . . you’d be surprised, but sometimes the littlest things help you get what you want.

Whether you know it or not, everyone has their own code of conduct they live by. Mine? Always A Lady. Whatever comes my way, no matter how difficult or frustrating, I try to handle it like a lady – with class and that feminine je ne sais quoi. When I’m out and about, I see lots of conduct unbecoming a Lady so I thought I’d start a column on the little things that make the Ladies stand apart from the girls.

Image & Quote: Mlle. Gabrielle Chanel

Lesson 1: Leave Something To The Imagination

I was at In-N-Out this past weekend and in line ahead of me was a group of 12 girls, all in tiny, tiny dresses with their boobs hanging out and their dresses barely long enough to cover their tushes. The first thing that went through my head was “Too much information!” Not only that, most of them wore their tiny dresses with bare legs and stilettos, leaving me to ask . . . “Why do girls dress like strippers????”

Somehow, somewhere, sexy became equated with showing everything. Ladies know that sexy means leaving a little something to the imagination. Don’t get me wrong, a tiny dress has it’s time and place. It’s how you mix it up that makes the difference.

First, pick a spot. What are you revealing? Women are beautiful beings and have so many erogenous zones. There’s your back, shoulders, decolletage, legs, derriere. Pick one spot to play up and feature. Just 1! When you focus on one feature it automatically is highlighted and instantly adds drama to that area. It’s like cosmetics – experts always say to play up one feature. Same rules apply to sexy clothing.

To the ladies I saw at In-N-Out, I would have recommended the following:

1. If you’re going super-short and want to wear femme fatale stilettos then please wear tights or leggings. There are tons of options available these days and they can add a nice color accent or texture to your ensemble. If you want to go bare, that’s cool, but I would probably opt for a flat shoe.

2. It was the dead of winter and these ladies did not have an outer layer in sight. I think it’s so crazy when I go out at night and see girls in tiny outfits when it’s freezing outside. What are you thinking? It’s cold! You look like an idiot. Please, dress for the weather or you just end up looking silly.

3. Don’t wear the same outfit as your friend. I see this happen a lot. Groups of friends end up dressing similarly. If you know 10 of your friends are wearing a little black dress then wear something different or make it exceptional.

Until next time ladies, stay classy.