Life 2.0 by OHW2007

Dear OHW2007,

I’m dating two guys right now. One is in London. He’s a great guy. He makes good money, but he’s not really my type as far as his body type and how he keeps his house. He is filthy – and when I saw his house filthy like that it kind of turned me off. Now, whenever I think about him touching me I get grossed out.

This other guy is here in LA. We met while the other guy went back home to London for work. He’s nice, he’s very very cute. Latino, tall, he doesn’t make as much as the other guy would but he still tries to provide for himself and his little girl. He seems to be a hard worker – he has to be, he doesn’t have anyone to fall back on. He’s in this country alone.

I would love to work with the London guy, we are both into media, film etc… but I don’t think it will work as far as us being together. Is it wrong to tell him I’ve been dating someone else and I want to be friends. Am I being shallow for not thinking hes hot?!? Is it selfish for women to tell men they want to be friends… am I gonna get some nasty karma for dating 2 men at once?? Do I really give a fuck?!!? I don’t know. HELP!!

Sorry everyone, the Professional took the night off….

The Jerk: I love it, I love it. Money vs. looks and filth vs. friend vs. giving a fuck. Dope. Dope. Dope.

Alright, let’s get to it. Sounds like both dudes have their issues, so I’m not sure you really need to make the call. I mean, I don’t know much about your total situation, but sounds like you’re still in dating mode and not looking to be locked down. Dating is cool. Catching numbers is really cool. Humping without protection, not so cool. If you feel like playing the field, play ball (intentionally avoiding a good joke).

When you find the right person, you know in your heart and bank account that the deal is done. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not about girls going for the stacks. I am about girls being able to take care of themselves (I know, not so jerk-ish). Money comes and goes. If homeboy can’t take care of himself financially, unless your middle name is cougar or sugar mama, you best be out.

Regarding filth, there is a fine line between messy and sloth. When I was living in NYC I had a roommate we used to call “sloth.” Simply put, the dude was a pig. Crusty towel and multiple day old open takeout containers left around the couch type of dude. Girls, don’t let dudes like that get some action. If you can’t sleep the night at your dude’s house because you’re afraid of catching the plague, just leave. Always remember, your partner is a representation of you. If your man has a stinky ass, well, people will think you have a stinky ass. Avoid stinky ass.

And looks, well, in my opinion, the uglier the better. You want a dude who worships the ground you walk on. Just try to stay away from (1) To Catch a Predator looking type dudes (I really miss that show), (2) dudes that drool during daylight hours, and (3) dudes that naturally always have their mouth open. Take it from me, the pretty people eventually become the ugly people and the people who used to be the ugly people, become the wealthy people.

And at the end of the day, just be honest with everyone you’re dating. Don’t be an jerk and make the dudes you date think you’re on some exclusive shit when you’re just catching numbers. That just sucks for everyone involved.

Life 2.0 by OHW2007: Own How You’re Perceived

Dear OHW2007,
There’s this guy, we have had a mutual best friend for years but never really hung out just met a bunch of times. He is not initially good looking, I mean he is very short, (so am I) but he knows everybody and is really clued in to pretty much everything cool especially in fashion, music clubs restaurants etc, he owns his own company he is really picky and has very discerning taste, . . . but he really not so “hot” just kinda cute in a trollish way . . . my friends tell me I am to cute for him. So anyway one night we discover we are attracted to another, that weekend we go out we make out,we hang out again the next week we make out,then I get really sick. I have to take all this medicine and am sick with an intestinal problem for a month, we still hang out, but I am not particularly feeling sexy, not really focused on making out or sleeping with him, more focused on getting as fucked as as possible because my belly hurts so bad…… so he decided I am a really lame and get too drunk ( I had a Vicodin prescription) and basically disses me, stops asking me to hang out, but I get better and we don’t talk, I let it alone. My pride is wounded especially because he is kinda trollish and I was sick and on bad behavior so it was my fault. A few times I see him, and I act like its cool whatever we are friends, then I run into him at a club, we talk and then I ask him if he wants to make out, we do, hen he leaves because he is working, he’s part owner of a bar. Then I see him at our mutual friends wedding, we leave together, we hang out, then when we are saying goodbye he goes to kiss me, and i say “no i don’t think so”, and I tell him “you dissed me, and it sucks, because I don’t usually get dissed by a guy I like and I really liked you but I was so sick and badly behaved and I’m really bothered by the way it all went down. and I am just saying this because we have mutual friends and I want things to be cool between us.” He says ” I didn’t diss you, I like hanging out with you when I do, I just don’t want a girlfriend right now, but I want to be friends and I want things to be cool and I want to make out.” I said, “I don’t want a boyfriend either but I want to make out,” so we make out, and I give him such a really really good kiss, (for the first time), an I really like you super hot long make out kiss, and he said “that was nice” (and proceeded to get hit by a car on the way home, just a funny side note, and he is fine, and i only know this from face book because…) I have not contacted him since, he hasn’t had a girlfriend for years and years and years, and I think he will like me soon maybe since I’m not acting retardedly anymore, just wondering, if I should definitely not really contact him, and should I just make out with him whenever I see . . . if i make out with him whenever I see him, will he just not take me seriously? Or will it just be fun, and cool with the possibility of a more serious future? Because actually I do want the right boyfriend someday. Am I completely crazy for thinking I have a chance with this guy because I have already ruined it?

The Professional: Now that was a long a long question. Your question has everything to do with expectation setting. Sounds like you have the “friends with benefits” relationship down but I think your “trollish” friend is happy with the just the occasional make-out.  Keep in mind, you set this expectation with him by telling him you were not interested in a boyfriend. Remember, you like to hook-up in and out of the club, you like a beverage or two and you don’t want a boyfriend.  Secondly, the fact that he didn’t contact you after a car accident, even if it was minor, tends to lead  one to believe he only sees you as a make-out option but not a long term possibility.

It is extremely difficult to read just how one sees you once the expectations are set.     Once a hook-up option, always a hook-up option. I’m not saying it is impossible to roll a hook-up relationship into and boyfriend/girlfriend situation, but it usually takes a fundamental change.  Try not hooking-up next time you see him in the club just to test his reaction. Seems like you’ve tried to say “no” in the past, but succumbed to your desires.  A good test never hurts and is a great way to see where people stand. If you say “no” and Mr. Troll decides focuses his attentions on another hook-up opportunity, well you should look elsewhere for love.

Remember, you make your own destiny. If you want to hook-up, then hook-up. If you tired of the same old hooking-up, then try something new. Try not hooking-up and what comes out of it. It’s your life and you can control peoples expectations through your actions. Self control is not a bad thing in the long run.

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