Dear MISSter Simms

I started working at a graphic design firm back in January and quickly became close friends with one of my coworkers there.  It started out strictly as a work friendship, but overtime we started hanging out outside of work more and even spent time in  each other’s apartments.  I love spending time with this guy and really think I’m developing  more than friendly feelings for him.  The real question is should I try to start up a relationship with someone I work with everyday?  I’ve heard about people who met their husband or wife at work, and people who’ve had things blow up in their face.  What do you think I should expect if I decide to get into something?

Sweet Office Romance

Dear SOR,

While dating your co-worker might seem like a good idea that will  lead to wild, adventurous work days and even more entertaining nights,  there’s a ton of factors to consider before jumping into a lunch-time quickie filled office romance.  Let’s take a look at some of the office romance pros and cons, shall we?

There are, of course, benefits to an office romance.  Instead of waking up in the morning with a sense of dread, you’ll probably quite happily bounce into work with a smile regularly plastered on your face.  When lunch time rolls around you’ll always have someone to eat with, and you might not even have to pay for your meal.  Plus, while you’re eating you can bitch about your boss, be more openly flirty than you could be in the office, and possibly sneak off to a McDonalds bathroom to get your boink on (that’s how I roll).

But, like with anything in life, you can’t have the good without the bad.  Kinda like you can’t have tons of salt without developing high blood pressure.  And by bad I mean extremely horrible.  Unless you and your boo are the most perfect couple ever, things will inevitably go south at some point, and you won’t be able to avoid your relationship problems because your boo will be smack dab in your face 8-9 hours a day.  Dating a coworker could also lead you to push your other, non-datable coworkers to the side in favor of this one person, messing up your other (but still important) relationships.  Other coworkers could catch on to your lil’ fling, get real nosey, and constantly be up in your business.  You might not mind that so much, but you probably would if your boss caught on and thought you were spending too much time drooling over a guy than doing actual work.  And, of course, what happens if you guys have a messy breakup?  If you dreaded going into work before, you’ll probably be considering transferring offices or quitting altogether after that.

There’s a saying, don’t poop where you eat, that could be applied to the office romance situation.  But like Ronnie from the Jersey Shore said, the right person could come along and make you wanna roll around in your poop no matter what.  Just be sure to take a good, hard look at the pros and cons before you get covered in stuff.

Need relationship advice?  Send your questions over to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com.

Is three really company...or a crowd?

Dear MISSter Simms,

I just came out to my very close friend.  She informed me before she got married that she had wanted to be with girls.  Now her husband is trying to push us to sleep together.  He claims he doesn’t want to join, but just wants to make his wife happy.  I’ve always found her very attractive.  Should I sleep with her? Are there ulterior motives behind his actions?

Should I Boink

Does your friend’s husband have ulterior motives?  To quote Carl “CJ” Johnson, does the Pope sh*t in the woods?  Let’s be real.  In general, a guy will do a bunch of things to make his wife and/or significant other happy: buy some diamond earrings, get a big chocolate bunny, watch Oprah with them, eat their horrendous cooking and say it’s totally awesome.  However, saying “Yeah honey, go ahead and shaboink someone else” isn’t usually one of those things…unless the guy has something else on his mind.  Think about it like this.  If you were a guy and wanted to sleep with your friend, do you think her husband would still say yes, I want to make you happy?  Probably not since a lot of married people aren’t into passing their wife around like a doobie at Woodstock.  But because you’re a girl and your friend’s husband has probably had lifelong dreams of watching two girls go at it he can claim it’s to make his wife happy.  The reality is that he is only thinking about making himself happy, and in the back of his mind he might even think he’ll get invited in to make it a threesome.

Now, ask yourself these questions to determine whether or not sleeping with her is a good idea.  Would you be cool if the husband wanted to be a participate instead of just a spectator?  Is this only going to be a one time thing or develop into a regular shaboinking session with the husband watching in the corner?  And, if it did become a regular thing, would your attraction to your friend become more than just a physical one?  If you really want to get with your friend, and the husband says cool beans, then go for it.  But know that if things get complicated you could wind up losing a friend and/or break up a marriage.

Need some advice?  Keep sending your questions to ronsimmsjr@gmail.com and check back every Friday for the latest installment of Ask M.I.S.S.ter Simms.

Dear M.I.S.S.ter Simms,

I’ve been in a relationship for five years now and I love my boyfriend deeply.  I’ve never cheated before but for some reason the urge is very strong to do so now.  Why do I want to cheat on my boyfriend and….should I?

Thinking About It

I can tell you from experience that cheating is never, ever ever ever, OK.  Even if you have the worst boyfriend on the planet, don’t cheat.  For one thing it’ll ruin whatever trust may exist between the two of you should anything come to light.  For another, unless your boyfriend is the most inattentive and disinterested dude on the planet when it comes to what you do, it’s really friggen’ hard to come up with lies all the time to explain your long absences.  On top of all THAT, you’ll probably be branded a cheater the rest of your life, no matter what good things you may do afterwards.  Even if you never cheat again in your life, you’ll be a cheater.  Think about it like this.  A guy may be a saint, save lives, perform miracles, raise people from the dead and reunite loved ones or something….but if that same guy boinked a pig, what would you really remember him for?  Yeah, cheating is  totally like that.

Anyway, I can think of quite a few reasons why you’d even want to cheat in the first place  Think of them as like the five deadly sins of cheating or something:

REVENGE – Did he already cheat on you?  Does he dog you in front of his friends?  Is he always eye boinking every woman that walks by?  They say revenge is a dish best served cold, but it could be best served in a bed with another body on top of you.

COWARDICE – Maybe instead of cheating, you actually want to break up with the dude.  But you’re too scared to do that….so you what do you do?  Cheat on him!  That way he’ll break up with you instead and you won’t have to bother with fixing the things that are wrong in your relationship.

BOREDOM – Sex can be pretty awesome, but not if the only thing you do is plain ole missionary every single night with zero fan-fare.  Maybe you wanna wild out and get your Jenna Haze on, but he’s more Dashboard Confessional and wants to weep while gently holding you.  Bet that bad ass, leather jacket wearing street pharmacist you saw at the mall the other day  is looking really good right about now.

NEGLECT – Things were all good…until your boyfriend started working late shifts.  And then he was too tired when he got home to call you.  And then he was too busy on weekends hanging with his boys.  And then he stopped having time to send flowers and take you out to the Cheesecake Factory.  You still treat him like a prince, but he can’t be bothered to treat you like anything better than a serving wench.  That’s a good recipe to start seeking attention elsewhere.

SELF ESTEEM – Does your boyfriend not make you feel sexy enough?  Smart enough?  Good enough?  Are there other people flattering you 24/7 and talking about how much they wanna get in your pants?  That could make you feel more beautiful and more loved, something your boyfriend may not be handling himself.

What you need to do is find out which of these applies to your situation and speak to your boyfriend about the situation.  Communication is key to all relationships, especially the more intimate ones.

Need relationship advice?  Send your questions over to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com.

Me and my partner have been dating for the past seven-ish years, and I think I’m at the point where I want to tie the knot and really start making a life together..  Do you think I should continue waiting for my significant other to pop the question?  Or should we sit down together, have a discussion, and come to a mutual agreement as to whether marriage is or isn’t a good idea at this time?

There are few things more nerve wracking in life than popping the question.  Popping zits?  Potentially painful, but pretty easy.  Popping bottles?  Rappers and dudes in the strip club seem to do it all the time with relative ease.  Popping the trunk or hood on your car?  Definitely not what I’d consider nerve wracking.  You only push one button.  How much easier could it get?

But popping the question? Wooooo lawdy.  First you have to think of when you’re doing to do it.  Then you’ve got to think of where.  Do I propose at our favorite restaurant?  Should I do it at the place we first met?  Maybe the sewage treatment plant down the street?  After you’ve figured all that out, your next move is to figure out how to do it.  Getting down on one knee is so passe these days with people expressing their love on billboards, Jumbotrons, or through fake movie trailers.  And once you’ve finally got all that together, there’s the whole actually asking the question business, the most stressful of all.  Sure it seems like 99% of the time people say yes…but what happens if you get a no?  Oh I dunno….a mental breakdown and a one way ticket to the land padded rooms and white coats?

My point is, if you yourself are thinking about marrying this person and they haven’t popped the question yet, then yes you should bring it up with them.  Personally I think it’s absurd that in this age of supposed independent ladies that people still cling to traditional roles like their lives depended on it.  Your partner might be too scared to pop the question.  They might not even feel like the timing is right for whatever reason (financially, not THAT into you, whatever).  But all these things can be found out with one simple conversation, and hopefully you’ll be able to figure out what both of you want.  And if marriage is it, then hooray!  No more waiting around wondering if there’s an engagement ring planted in your drink whenever you go out to restaurants.

Need some advice?  Keep sending your questions to ronsimmsjr@gmail.com and check back every Friday for the latest installment of Ask M.I.S.S.ter Simms.