Always A Lady—A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

Everyone does it—and no one is safe. I’m talking about naked pictures. Humankind has appreciated them since evolution granted us an opposable thumb, a piece of flint, and a wall to scribble on. But considering the scope of today’s technology, hitting a simple “Upload” button can make you notorious for the sole purpose of showing your hoo-ha (Ask Kim Kardashian!). And while you’re praying that your barely computer-literate mother doesn’t Google you anytime in the next, oh I don’t know, 45 years, you’re silently fuming and asking yourself, “How the hell did I get in this mess?” Let’s go through a simple walk-through of the sequence of events as they may occur and how to prepare yourself. As with all ails, prevention is the best cure, but first, we’ll talk about how your ambition affects the likelihood of your intimate photographs being leaked.

What is your goal in life?

If it includes children’s programming, politics, academia, or “first-person-to-do-blank”, then you’re at the highest risk of damage. Common sense indicates that you probably shouldn’t take raunchy naked pictures ever if your role is to fulfill a contribution to the greater humanity. You’re allowed to funnel your untapped sexual exhibitionism in an alternate creative outlet, like an erotic screenplay or novel, but by all means, you will be stripped of your noble titles if pics surface of you in fuzzy handcuffs. Just don’t do it.

Next is PTA-mom, local pastor, and local pastor’s daughter, on the list of ruined reputation. While, yes, they’re whispering and looking in your direction, you might still be able to shrug it off and live in relative obscurity.  Or move outta your shit-small hometown, change your name, and hope no one gets too curious about you.

On the bottom of that list, entertainment, music, Miss U.S.A. contestants and talentless debutantes fear not, because sex sells and most likely you’ll turn it into a VH1 reality show spin-off.  You might be embarrassed at first.  But once the Playboy and Maxim offers funnel in, the money will ease the fall.  And in this society sex-sells. At the price of your dignity.For the regular person, it’s tough maintaining long-distance relationships and spans apart from your lover without utilizing technology to ease the separation.  Everyone has come home from a club, drunk and alone, missing their boo, and clumsily partaking in the one-armed photo shoot. It’s almost a rite-of-passage. But factor in the degrees of exposure of yourself and your reputation in the community, and you might be able to minimize the damage. After all, it is a possibility for all of us, known or unknown.

If you must do it, here’s how:

• Understand that anything taken on a camera has a high-likelihood of being stolen. While you can greatly reduce the chances of leaked photos by only capturing them on your devices and keeping it under lock and key, relocating, lending, or just being plain careless can put you at highest risk. Also, keep in mind that when you bring your laptop in to the Geek Squad, it’s their job to go through your hard drive.  Don’t give them a reason to call the coworkers after hours and gawk. If you are relatively known, the price of the picture itself can compensate a pink slip at Best Buy, easily. Take the pictures, move it into an external hard drive, and keep it in a high-security safe.  If it breaks, consider it a total loss.
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It’s that time of year when the college acceptance letters are streaming in and it’s time to decide what school to attend. For many, the decision is easy. For others, the thought of leaving family, friends and a boyfriend or girlfriend behind weigh heavy on the mind. The chance to go to your school of your dreams doesn’t come everyday - and at any age - you should be making the most of all opportunities that come your way. Going to the right school will expose you to different places, people and experiences.  For many people, the chance to go away to school is the first and only chance to see something new, live in a different city, and get a fresh start.  Whatever decision you come to should be based on what is right for you. Boyfriends and girlfriends come and go, but your education is with you for the rest of your life.  If you’re with the right person, the relationship will last regardless of distance. Do what’s best for you.

“Get off the phone!” I used to hear that a lot as a teenager. Though parents still say that to their kids today, it has a new meaning. When I was told to get off the phone it was because I was talking. Today, kids are more likely shooting off rapid fire text messages and tweets rather than making a phone call. And, it’s not just kids. With smart phones becoming the norm, adults are constantly checking email and text messages. Email can be a blessing and it makes work easier - can you imagine getting anything done without it? But, email is a two-edged sword - in some ways it makes life easier, in other ways it makes it more difficult. “How?” you ask? Three words: Phone Call Avoidance.

There is a growing phenomenon where people hide behind their keyboards and computers - especially when it comes to difficult and important topics. And it’s funny, the really pressing issues - the ones that are important, or need an immediate response or answer - are the ones that get text messaged/emailed most often. What to do? It’s simple:  A lady knows there are times that require a phone call.

Read on for particular examples of when picking up the phone is the way to go.

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Image of Tina Turner by Michael Wylie

If you can read, or watch television, you’ve probably heard about Chris Brown and Rihanna’s rocky relationship. A few weeks back, news broke that Chris Brown had allegedly beaten Rihanna. Rumors circulated, photos were leaked and police reports surfaced. The news was shocking, but for me, what was most shocking was that Rihanna took him back. Now, only the two of them know what really happened that night, but for the purpose of this post, let’s assume that Chris Brown really did assault Rihanna. If so, why, why, why would she go back to him?

Domestic violence is an issue that concerns all women - there are no race, class or religious exceptions - it happens across the board. Sometimes, when marriage and children are involved, the situation gets really difficult. Often times, women and children end up homeless or in shelters because they have no other way of surviving because they are dependent on the very person who is tormenting them. Even worse, most women who are murdered in this country are killed at the hands of their husband or boyfriend. If you are affected by domestic violence, you need to get yourself out of the situation, especially before marriage and children are involved.

Knowing whether someone will inflict harm upon you is not something that you’ll know from the get go, but there are definitely hints to look out for such as: past history (ie, they were a victim of domestic violence as a child), past relationships and anger issues. If at any point you are in a relationship where you feel threatened or are assaulted, WALK AWAY and don’t ever look back. You will not change him. If he did it once, he will do it again and again. And, most importantly, it’s not your fault. Emotional issues may come up but you can always communicate about them without violence. If you can’t then you’re not with the right person.

Many girls looked up to Rihanna as a style icon and inspiration. Now, all I can say is please don’t follow her lead. She’s setting a very bad and dangerous example. You need to respect yourself enough to know how you should be treated - and physical violence is definitely not in the mix. You may or may not be able to physically counteract an assault, but you can definitely walk away and decide to never put up with that again. The sooner you walk, the easier it will be to get out of an extremely difficult and uncomfortable situation. Stand up for yourself, respect yourself, and know how you deserve to be treated.

Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate your loved ones and show them how much you care. For a holiday that’s meant to be full of love and happiness, in actuality it’s often fraught with stress and sadness. Many people in relationships stress about getting everything just right, while many single people are full of scorn, resentment and sadness. Below, I’m outlining some tips that may make the holiday breeze by more smoothly, but in the end, remember, Valentine’s Day is just another day, and we should be showing the ones we love how much we care everyday. If that doesn’t make you feel better, just think of all the chocolate that’s going to be on sale on February 15th - that always cheers me up!

In a Relationship
If you’re in a relationship, there are so many questions that pop up around Valentine’s Day: What should I wear? What should I get for a gift? How can I make the night romantic? And so on. With the economy in the state that it’s in, money will undoubtedly play a factor in many of these questions. My advice? Keep it simple. Showing someone you love them is not about how much you spend - it’s about the thought you put into the gift. Now is a perfect time to get crafty and make that card or break out the icing and start baking. Or, sort out your music and make your best ever mixtape. Even better, instead of going out to eat with the rest of the world, stay in and make a romantic dinner together. A few simple ingredients, some candles and some music and you’ve got a better dinner experience than you could get at a fancy pants restaurant.

Single and Not Interested
Valentine’s Day can be difficult because some people use that day to come out of the woodwork and express their undying love for you - many times it’s someone you would have never guessed (or wanted to have guessed). If you don’t reciprocate the person’s feelings let them off easy. You don’t need to be rude to get your point across. Someone put some thought and effort into making sure you felt loved, and even though you don’t return the feelings, you don’t need to be unkind to express how you feel (unless they’re a stalker). A polite “thank you, that was very thoughtful” will do - no pressure for anything more! Just don’t be mean and stomp on the person’s heart.

Single & Out With The Ladies
For people not in relationships, Valentines’ Day often become a day to get all your lady friends together, get dolled up and intake large amounts of booze. There’s nothing wrong with that - everyone likes to let loose and have some fun. The problem is what happens after the booze . . . lots of women look for love in all the wrong places. They end up hooking up with a dude because he’s there and it happens to be February 14th. Ladies, don’t do anything stupid that you’ll regret the next day. Valentine’s Day is just like any other day - don‘t make it into a big deal and it won‘t be.

I hope your Valentine’s Day is full of love and happiness!

xoxo GDK

The end of the year is upon us and we’ll all soon be counting down the end of 2008 and the beginning of 2009. That means, for many of us, we’ll be popping open the bubbly to celebrate the occasion. I’ve found that for a lot of people, New Year’s Eve has become less about reflecting upon the past year and what’s to come in the new year and all about getting as drunk as humanly possible. Getting ridiculously drunk is not only unladylike, it can be rude, annoying and unsightly.

A lady partakes in the festivities but knows when to stop. She knows when she’s reached her limit and when to say “no.” I’m not saying you shouldn’t drink - in fact it’s ok to get a bit tipsy. You just don’t want to get to the point where you are screaming, crying or vomiting or a combination of all three - that’s never a good look. A lady knows how much booze she can handle and she handles it with class. Read the rest of the story for some advice on handling your liquor.

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The holidays are a lovely time to share with friends and family.  The food, the parties and the holiday cheer are my favorite parts of the season.  Too often, the true meaning of the holidays is overshadowed by consumerism and thoughts of finding the perfect gift.  It’s these times, that we should be thankful for what we have and give to those in need.

A lady doesn’t just think of herself and her close circle of friends.  She also thinks of all the people who are cold, hungry or lonely during the holiday season.  If it’s within her means, a lady should donate something to a charitable organization.  It doesn’t have to be a lot - it could be $10, canned food, old clothing.  Giving is a kind gesture that leaves you with a feeling that is irreplaceable.  We shouldn’t lose sight of the true meaning of the holidays - celebrating love, life, friends and family.  What a better way to do that than by helping someone have a nice holiday.

Wishing you a lovely holiday season,

xo GDK

As a kid I used to love getting dressed up for Halloween, from Raggedy Anne to Rainbow Bright, I always loved coming up with a costume each year.  Somewhere during college I realized that an alarming number of women used Halloween as an excuse to dress up as a whore (sorry if it sounds harsh but it’s true).  Whether dressed as a “sexy nurse,” “sexy postal worker,” or “sexy fill-in-the-blank,” I noticed that most costumes had an emphasis on lack of clothing, than on portraying a character.  It really saddens me that women feel they need to dress scantily (and often in bad taste) to attract attention.  I assure you, any attention you attract is not the kind worth having.  Halloween is about dressing up in character, not a time for getting naked.  You only end up looking silly and insecure (especially because it’s usually really cold outside!).  Instead, opt for a costume that will show how beautiful, or clever, or funny or creative you are.  All women have T&A, show us something the others don’t have.  In sum, ladies, my message to you this Halloween is please keep it classy.

Everyone has some place they need to be - whether it’s the morning commute to work, or the vacation you’ve been waiting for. Whether your mode of transport is a plane, train or automobile, the rules of travel apply. Maybe it’s the potential for lost baggage, missed connections or just being late for work, but sometimes your fellow travelers can be quite rude and inconsiderate. Here are some pointers to keep in mind when you’re traveling:

Keep The Scents Under Wraps
Never use beauty products with very strong scents in enclosed places like airplanes. No perfume spraying or polishing nails. In fact, if you’re going to wear perfume on an airplane make sure you put it on well in advance. If not, the scent will be too strong and you’ll think you smell great but in fact, you’re giving everyone around you a headache.

Out Before In
This rule applies mainly to buses, trains and elevators. Always let the people exiting get out first before you attempt to enter. When waiting, stand to the side so you’re not blocking anyone’s way.

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While I was waiting to get into a show at NY Fashion Week the other week I overheard a young woman say the craziest thing.  No, I wasn’t eavesdropping – we were crammed together like cattle and it’s impossible not to hear what people around you are saying.  She was talking about boys and how she had to email her man’s brother, but “it wasn’t like that.�?  She then proceeded to say:

“I’ll f!#k his best friends, but not his brother.�?

I am not making this up. She said it like she was saying something innocuous like “I have to stop by the grocery store on the way home.�?  Trust, it took every ounce of self -control not to turn around and glare at this woman.  It’s moments like these that inspire Always A Lady columns.

If you’re anything remotely close to being a lady this woman is appalling and you’re probably pretty shocked.  If her comment doesn’t phase you, then here’s a few things for you to consider.  Let’s start with The Golden Rule:  Treat others the way you want to be treated.  Would you want your man playing around with your friends? Didn’t thinks so.  Don’t do that to him.  Whether it’s with his friends, brother or stranger, it’s never a good idea to cheat on someone.  There’s really no reason for it.  No one’s forcing you to be in a relationship.  If you want to be with other people, get out of your relationship and do what you want.  But sneaking around on someone you supposedly care about is just dumb and selfish.  Relationships are built on trust and loyalty, and without those, you have nothing.  If you have an open relationship, and you’re both on the same page then do your thing, but if you’re in a monogamous relationship, respect your partner.

Of course every rule has its exceptions.  I’m not saying you should cheat.  But once your relationship is over, and you find that you are better suited to his friend or brother (please not both), and it’s based on more than pure lust, and no one’s feelings will get hurt, then I think it would be safe to follow your heart.