Ron Simms Jr.
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Ask MISSter Simms – My Boyfriend Wasn’t There For Me When It Mattered


ask misster simms

What do you do when the person you care about most isn’t there for you when you when it really counts?

Dear MISSter Simms,

I am 22 years 0ld and got pregnant in August by my boyfriend of a couple of years. We started dating in college, and during our time together I have supported him through everything. The pregnancy was unplanned, and I live at home with my parents.  My family life at home, to put it lightly, is unhealthy, but my boyfriend wanted to keep the baby. I, on the other hand, did not. I knew in my heart that I couldn’t give this baby the life right now that he or she deserved.  However, my boyfriend gave me an ultimatum: if I had an abortion, he’d leave me.  I didn’t want to lose him, so I lied and said the pregnancy test was a false positive and had the abortion anyway.

Right after the procedure, I began to harbor some bad feelings towards him.  I needed him to be there with me and he wasn’t.  I had to take myself home on the public bus after my abortion. I was alone, scared, and very drugged.  I broke up with him shortly after, partially due the lack of support and also because he became too busy to spend time with me.

I am hurt, confused, and alone. I don’t regret my decision to abort, but I need some support. I need some help. I need something.  I can’t talk to anyone in my family about the procedure because 1) they didn’t know I was pregnant and 2) they frown on abortion. It’s been less than two months and my now ex-boyfriend has already replaced me. He’s posting cute pictures of himself with his new girlfriend on Facebook and introducing her to his family.  He seems to be treating this woman that he just met 100 times better than he treated me. I’m alone and very depressed. What can I do to heal from this? My heart is broken and my life is in ruins. Please help!

Lonely Heart

Dear LH,

If you’re looking for support, you’re obviously not going to get it from your ex-boyfriend or anyone in your family.  But, how about a close friend or two you can trust and count on?  What about someone at the clinic, or even a counselor recommended by them?  What about someone at mental health clinic?  If none of the above are an option, you could even try calling Exhale, an after abortion support hotline.

As for your ex-boyfriend, think about it like this.  You guys were together for a couple of years, you get pregnant; then claim you’re not pregnant, and shortly thereafter you break up with him.  Him moving on so quickly may be his way of coping with something he doesn’t understand.  After all, he doesn’t know that you broke up with him because you felt unsupported.  In his mind he’s thinking you weren’t ever pregnant, and that one day you woke up and didn’t want to be with him anymore.  While he may appear happy and in love in his Facebook photos, he could be using this new girl to mask the pain of losing you.

And if he’s genuinely happy?  Consider yourself lucky that you’re not with him anymore.   By moving on so quickly he’s showing that he’s not able to maintain a real, long-lasting relationship.   Plus, if he’s treating his new girl 100 times better than he ever treated you, he must have treated you like dirt .  Why would you want to be with someone like that?  You deserve someone who will treat you the way you want to be treated and support you every step off the way.

Need relationship advice?  Send your questions over to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com.

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