Dear MISSter Simms,
I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past six months. The last two months we were long distance and unable to see each other. When he finally came back, we were beyond excited to see each other. But since then we’ve been fighting a lot. Maybe it’s because we’re both working hard and thinking about school starting up again soon, and the time to be carefree is just about over. We don’t usually see each other until after 10pm every day, and because it’s so late we wind up barely talking and mostly cuddling, sleeping, and/or having sex. Most of our day time communication is done through texting. I sent him a text the other day telling him how I felt about our relationship revolving around the previously mentioned things, and how I would break up with him if things didn’t change, and he sent me something back that really hurt me. He said that anyone else would only date me to have consistent sex. Later he apologized, but the damage had already been done. Now I’m not sure what to do. Help!
Not Just For Sex
If my significant other told me 1) that people would only date me so they could consistently bang me and 2) seemingly still dated me because we were consistently banging, I’d drop them faster than Shakira dropped her baby weight. However, if you’re really attached to this guy and want to make things work, it’s going to require a lot of work. You’re going to have to stop texting 24/7 and actually talk to each other. You’ll have to actual spend some non-sleeping, cuddling, boinking time together. It’s the summer. Tons of new movies are coming out every weekend, there’s outdoor festivals and concerts galore, and unless you live in Antarctica the weather should be warm enough for you two to enjoy something simple like a walk in the park. Having regular sex is all well and good, but without all the other stuff that comes with relationships, like sharing your warm and fuzzy feelings and really knowing each other, you’re doomed to fail.
But first, you’ll need to tell you boyfriend that what he said was messed up and that it hurt you. You’ve already decided not to bang him, which is good. Tell him that part of your relationship won’t come back until he gets on that act right and you two are able to get your emotional connection on track. He’s going to look at that as a punishment…which it sort of is. But it’s really about you building an actual relationship based on real intimacy and shared experiences, and you need to let him know that. You also need to tell him that you need to see him sometime other than 10 at night; that you’d rather go out on some day time dates. If he’s willing to go along with all that and work on things, great! If not keep it moving.
Need relationship advice? Send your questions over to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com.
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