Dear MISSter Simms,
I recently got dumped by my boyfriend of several years and have re-entered the wonderful world of dating. The only difference this time around is that I’m not a virgin, and neither are the majority of people that I’ve gone out with. I’m not about to jump into bed with someone just yet, but eventually I will be. And I’m not exactly sure how to bring up the topic of STDs and STD testing without it being weird or offensive. I worked for a college health center for a few years and have seen the kind of damage that STDs can do to people, so I don’t particularly want to put my health at risk, even if it is for “love”. Any advice you could give would be really helpful!
It’s A Touchy Subject
I totally understand your trepidation. “Have you been tested?” is one of those questions that gets people butt-hurt almost every time. If you’re on a date with someone and you’ve quickly ascertained that you want to do the no-pants dance with them, then you’ll need to broach the subject pretty quickly. You could bring up how you used to work in a health center while you were in college and about all the sick stuff you used to see. Then you could smoothly segue into asking him if he’s been tested or not. However, if banging on the first date is not something you’re fond of, you can wait until you feel like you’re finally ready to knock boots before popping the question. Here’s a couple of tips that’ll make your experience a little less painful.
- Be Direct – Don’t beat around the bush…no pun intended.
- Make It A Shared Experience – If you partner hasn’t been tested, let them know you’re willing to get tested with them. They’ll feel less like you’re accusing them of something and more like you’re both in this thing together.
- Be Tested Already – If you’ve already been tested, bring along your results before asking if your partner has been tested. You can tell you’re partner you cared enough about their health to get tested, and sneak in a suggestion that if they cared enough about your health, they’d also get tested.
- Stand Your Ground – Don’t wuss out. It’s not like you’re asking them for their social security number or their hand in marriage.
STD testing may be a touchy subject, but at the end of the day everyone will be happy knowing their private parts are safe and sound.
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