Dear MISSter Simms,
A month ago I broke things off with my boyfriend of six months. We are both in our late 20s, never married, and without kids. He’s extremely easy to get along with, and we never had any arguments. He’s also very considerate, good natured, even tempered, fun, funny, successful, and responsible. Whenever we had free time we would spend it together, and he’d often arrange weekend trips away for us to take. I loved that about him.
You’re probably wondering why I broke up with such a great guy. Well, right before we broke up we were both away on business trips and I didn’t hear from him for a week. He wasn’t trying to contact me, and I couldn’t get in touch with him. A month before this incident he disappeared for a couple of days when we were supposed to be spending time together. He apologized and admitted he screwed up, but there he was doing the same thing again. I was really upset because I’d won an award at work that week for a project that really meant a lot to me, and my boyfriend wasn’t around to share the moment with me.
I made up my mind then and there that it was over and broke up with him. His disappearing was too hard for me, and on top of all that, he wasn’t as affectionate as I needed him to be. I told him that he didn’t seem that into me, or he would have at least asked me if I had won the award that I wanted so bad. And he hadn’t introduced me to his friends yet. I asked if he was crazy about me, and all he could say was that he liked spending time with me.
But…I miss him. I liked my life better with him than without him. I wonder if I ended things too soon. He’s got so many great qualities that I want in a partner. Should I have given him another chance? Was I too rash with my decision making? Should I stick with my decision, or try to go back and work things out with him?
Dropped Too Soon?
I have a philosophy about dating and it goes a little something like this. I don’t break up with anyone until I know good and hell well that I don’t want to be with them anymore…ever. Because when you break up with someone, it can be very hard to undo what’s been done and go back to what you were.
Judging by your current thoughts on the matter, it seems like you didn’t know good and hell well that you didn’t want to be with your boyfriend anymore…ever. And from your letter it’s easy to see why you’re so conflicted. On the one had, he did some things that you thought were unforgivable, like disappearing for a week…not parading you in front of his friends. On the other hand, everything else about him is awesome. Perhaps the things you thought were so unforgivable weren’t that unforgivable in the face of his overall awesomeness.
Which is why I say you need to pick up the phone and give him another chance. You know you want to; otherwise you wouldn’t have sought out my advice on the matter and would have just stuck to your guns. He’ll either be receptive to your attempt to win him back, or he’ll laugh in your face and hang up the phone (hopefully not, because that’s kind of dramatic). But if he did that, it’d go to show that he wasn’t so crazy about you after all and you’re not really missing out on anything in that case.
And if you do get back together, don’t be so quick to drop him the next time he messes up.
Need relationship advice? Send your questions to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com and you might be featured on the next installment of Ask MISSter Simms.
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