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Ask MISSter Simms – I’m Afraid To Tell My Boyfriend I’m Abstinent


Abstinence is ok

No Sex? No Worries!

Dear MISSter Simms,

I’ve been dating a guy for some time now.  We’ve only ever kissed and I’ve never once invited him over to my apartment.  I like him a lot and think that we might have an actual future together.  However, I’ve chosen to abstain from having sex for religious reasons.  I’m not sure if I want to be abstinent until marriage, but I definitely can’t be intimate with someone after only a few months of being with them.  I’m worried that when the time comes and I have to bring up my beliefs with this guy, he’ll leave. He recently asked me to come visit him next weekend (he lives four hours away), but I haven’t said yes yet because I’m worried about sleeping arrangements.  How can I bring up this topic so we can finally get it out in the open?

First Base Girl

Dear FBG,

This is the perfect time to let your abstinence only sexual intimacy policy be known!  I mean he’s already invited you to come visit him at his place.  Do you think he expects you to stay at a nearby hotel?  No.  In his mind he’s probably thinking you’re going to come up and it’s going to be on and poppin’.  Next time you talk to him, you can bring up the visit, ask about sleeping arrangements, and bring up your lack of desire to have sex before marriage.  Then, gauge his reaction.  If it’s positive, awesome! You have a winner on your hands!  If it’s not…then…better to know now than after investing years of your life in the relationship. Personally, I think everything’s going to be just fine.  If you’ve been dating the dude for a while and all you’ve done is kissed, and he hasn’t run for the hills yet, then there’s a strong chance that sex isn’t extremely high on his priorities list and the lack of it wouldn’t be a deal breaker.

Need relationship advice?  Send your questions over to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com.

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