Dear MISSter Simms,
My boyfriend and I are both young (20) and in a long distance relationship. We’ ve been together for about a year. We have great chemistry and connect with each other as well, which is why I’m OK with us being in a long distance relationship. However, there’s a problem. My boyfriend has only been in long term relationships in the past, and feels like he’s missing out on something. He wants the experience of random hook-ups. We talked about it a while ago, and I thought we’d moved past that issue. Now he’s talking about it again. He told me he thinks I’m the one, and I feel strongly about him too, but he still thinks he’s missing out. I don’t know. I think until he randomly makes out with someone, the feeling will stay bottled up inside him and he’ll “explode” one day. I suggested taking a break so he could do whatever and we’d get back together in a few months or something, but he rejected that idea because he doesn’t believe in breaks and thinks it would hurt me. On the one hand I want his mind to be at ease, but on the other I’m not sure I want him making out with a random girl either. What should I do?
Your boyfriend is a G. He’s brought up the idea of making out with other women with you not once, but twice. And you haven’t stabbed or broken up with him. Wow.
Anyway, it sounds like you’re basically asking if it would be cool for your boyfriend to make out with some random chick so he can get it out of his system and move on. Uh…no? Unless you want your boyfriend to become your ex-boyfriend real fast.
Now, let’s say you guys did go on break so your boyfriend could make out with someone. And let’s say he actually does find that one chick to hook up with. You think he would stop at just one? Hell no. He’s young, probably horny, and sexually inexperienced from what it sounds like. He’s going to get that first taste of a new girl and want some more. And who’s to say he’ll be satisfied with making out with random girls? He may think to himself, “Making out with girls is nice but…I want to get laid!” Why? Because he’s a 20 year old male, and I’m sure he has needs that making out just won’t fulfill.
I know you said that your boyfriend said he thinks you’re the one, and that you feel very strongly about him too, but let’s be real. If you were “the one”, he wouldn’t be out here wishing he could make out with random chicks and feeling like he missed out on something. The fact of the matter is he’s not ready to be in another long term relationship right now. And why should he? He’s already been in some, and now he wants to try something new. And if he doesn’t try the whole hooking up thing, he’s going to sit there and wonder what he missed out on forever. And if he doesn’t get that exploration time and you guys stay together for whatever reason, he’ll probably grow to resent you.
So, I suggest you guys break up. Like, really break up. Not just “go on a break”. It may not be what you want to do, but it’s what you need to do. Let him go run wild sewing his oats, and if he does all that and comes back to you then, by all means, feel free to date him again. What you don’t want to do, however, is keep him around and run the risk of him a) cheating on you or b) dumping you a year or two down the road because he didn’t really want to be in a relationship in the first place.
Need relationship advice? Send your questions over to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com.
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