Dear MISSter Simms,
A few months ago I met a guy who I thought was perfect. He’s incredibly kind, empathetic, and respectful. On top of all that, he’s about to finish law school. And we have great sex. The only problem is that he’s not very spontaneous or funny. He’s safe and kind of boring really. Right when I came to this revelation, I went on a trip with my childhood friend to a cabin in the woods. We had a ton of fun, and I started developing feelings for him. I didn’t act on these feelings, though. I feel guilty about being in a relationship with the “perfect” guy while constantly thinking about someone else. Should I tell either of them how I feel? I’m worried that if I tell my boyfriend he’ll resent me, and if I tell my childhood friend he’ll get weirded out and stop talking to me. I need help making sense of my emotions right now.
Between A Rock and a Hard Place
Here’s what you need to do. First, dump your boyfriend. Clearly he’s not “the perfect guy” if you’re constantly thinking about someone else. In fact, no one is. Everyone is flawed. His flaws just happen to be being “safe and kind of boring” instead of something more common like being ugly, having horrible B.O., or having violent tendencies. It’s not like your boyfriend is going to become out of control and hilarious over night (or ever), and you’ve only invested six months of your life into this relationship. What do you have to lose? Breaking up is never easy, but it is better than being in a relationship where you’re unhappy and stringing the other person along while they think everything is all good. You don’t need to tell him that there’s another guy in your life. All you need to say is that you’re not feeling him as much as you used to and don’t want to be with him anymore. He may cry and/or try to make a case as to why you should be together, but stay strong and stand your friend. It’s better for the both of you.
As for your childhood friend who you think about constantly, once you’ve broken up with your boyfriend you’ll be free to proclaim your love for him. If you’ve been friends since childhood, it should hopefully take more than a confession of your feelings about him to damage your relationship irrevocably forever. And, hey, he might even have the same feelings for you and you two could go build a solid romantic relationship off the back of your long, storied friendship. What could be better than that?
Need relationship advice? Send your questions to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com and you might be featured on the next installment of Ask MISSter Simms.
- Ask MISSter Simms – Flirtatious Friendships
- Ask MISSter Simms: How to Cope With My Ex’s New Girlfriend
- Ask MISSter Simms – Not Yet Ready for Marriage
- Ask MISSter Simms – My Boyfriend’s In Love With My Friend
- Ask MISSter Simms: I Cheated On My Boyfriend. Now What?