Dear MISSter Simms,
My boyfriend and I have been together for quite a while now, and he’s recently started saying, “I love you” to me on a regular basis. I want to say it back to him, and I’ve tried several times, but for some reason I can’t…which makes me wonder if I actually do love him. When we’re together I feel like everything is right in the world, and when we’re apart I feel the exact opposite way. I’m willing to do anything for him, even sacrifice my own happiness if it’ll make things better for him. A hundred years from now I want him to be happy and living with the love of his life, but I’m not sure if that person is me. Things are great now, but they could go downhill in the future, which makes me wonder if I love him. What does love mean to you? Is it something you can experience in the moment, or is something that lasts forever? And how can I go about telling my boyfriend I love him? I clearly have trouble saying it, so are there other ways to go about it that are romantic and memorable? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Can’t Say It
Whoa there, buddy, Take it down a notch. No need to over-think the whole I love you think. When you stub you toe, do you not shout out, “Motherbleeper”? When you find ten dollars laying in the street, do you not exclaim, “Radical”? In either of those situations do you think about what you’re saying before you say it? No, because at the time you feel either in pain or happy, and you use your words to express yourself. The same thing applies to saying I love you. If that’s how you feel, that’s how you feel.
You need to stop worrying about the distant future and live in the present. Sure, a hundred years from now, you and your boyfriend may not be together. You may not even be alive by then! But it doesn’t matter, because here and now you love him, and he loves you. Your love for each other might last forever, or it could be temporary. But while it is there, you should let him know, and worry about the future when it arrives.
I think what is really happening is that you’re scared. You don’t want to let your defenses down and make yourself vulnerable. The second you say I love you is the second you open yourself up to get hurt. And maybe you will get hurt down the line. Then again, maybe you won’t. Who knows? You can’t really worry about that either. If you’re going to be in a relationship with someone, you have to go full throttle. You can’t half ass it, or you’re doing a disservice to yourself and your boyfriend. He put his feelings on the table when he said I love you. You can throw caution to the wind and do it too.
How to do it is the easy part. Shut your brain off and just say it. If that’s impossible, practice saying it a million times first by yourself, or to your friend, or whatever, and just randomly say it when you’re boyfriend’s around. You could also write it, sing it, rap about it, give him a little I love you candy heart, or say it in a foreign language and let him do the translating. Once you stop analyzing everything it’ll be easier to say than you think!
Need relationship advice? Send your questions over to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com.
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