Dear MISSter Simms,
I’m a 21 year old senior in college, and I’ve been sleeping with a guy for the past couple of months. When we first started seeing each other, he told me that I was girlfriend material and acted like he wanted to be with me. However, as time went on it was clear he just wanted to sleep with me. I was fine with it, because with classes and other outside activities I’m pretty busy and don’t have time to really have a strong relationship. But something strange happened recently. He basically started ignoring me. On Facebook he wrote messages about how he realized what true love meant. I took it to mean that he found someone he actually wanted to be in a relationship with, and messaged him to let him know that was cool, but that I wish he had told me. He hasn’t responded. Part of me is happy for him if he’s found true love, but another part of me feels disrespected, depressed, and crushed. How can I not feel so used in situations like this?
Used and Abused
You can only feel used if you allow yourself to be used. When it became apparent that this dude did not want a real relationship with you, you could have chosen to break things off and keep it moving. Instead you decided to continue sleeping with him. He didn’t need the cow (figuratively speaking here), because you were giving the milk (your booty) away for free. If you don’t want to feel used, don’t give up your body expecting or hoping for a relationship, especially when it’s crystal clear that nothing like that is going to happen. Many women think they’ll be able to change a guy given enough time. Wrong. Instead, only bang people who are legitimately into you. Also, develop a strong support system to help you get through times like this, and invest more of your emotions towards your friends and activities you’re involved with rather than some dude you’re boinking. It’ll soften the blow the next time you get rejected by a guy.
Need relationship advice? Send your questions over to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com.
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