Dear MISSter Simms,
I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year. So far our relationship has been great. We hardly argue and barely have any drama, and he loves to talk about how he feels about me and actually cares about what I’m feeling, too, unlike some of my past boyfriends.
Speaking of past boyfriends, I have been known to cheat on them. And while I have no great urge to cheat on my current boyfriend, I do find myself thinking about being with other men from time to time. Recently I moved to another city because of my job, and I’ll be here away from my boyfriend for the next six months. When I see a guy in my new city, I think to myself, “I could get him if I wanted to.” That’s the type of stuff I’d say to myself before I cheated on my ex-boyfriends. Again, I love my boyfriend and would never cheat on him. Do you think these thoughts are jut something that all people think but don’t voice out loud, and if NOT how can I keep myself from having them?
Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater
I definitely don’t believe in the old adage that “once a cheater, always a cheater,” but you seem a bit too paranoid for someone who’s in a seemingly perfect relationship and who would “never cheat” on their boyfriend. I’m not buying it. I think you would cheat on your boyfriend, if given the chance. The circumstances are right; the thoughts that lead to your past cheating are there. You probably sent this letter as a cry for help, wanting me to walk you back from the ledge before you took a leap into someone else’s pants.
Here’s the thing. Having thoughts about banging other people is not wrong. Thinking about banging other people is also not wrong. Everyone does it. I definitely do it. The problem in your case is that you have had the thoughts and then acted on them. Maybe you have no self control in that area, and you’re worried that with your newfound freedom you’re about to sabotage yet another relationship.
Now, if thinking about banging other people inevitably leads to actually banging other people, what you need to do is control your thoughts. When you find yourself thinking about other men, replace those guys with thoughts of your boyfriend. Think about his face, his smile, his hair, his weird shaped birthmark. Whatever. Call him if need be. Hit him up on Skype. Do whatever you need to do to make sure your boyfriend is on your mind instead of the random dudes you see in the street. It may annoy him blowing up his phone 24/7, but I’m sure he’d prefer that to your other plans.
Oh, and learn how to tell yourself no. As in, no, I certainly will not try to seduce that guy at the bar. No, I will not write my number on the check and slip it to the waiter. No, I won’t go back to your place for drinks. It’s another good way of disciplining yourself when it comes to correcting your previous bad behavior.
- Ask MISSter Simms
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