Dear MISSter Simms,
I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a little over a year. For the most part it’s been great. He really gets me, and I enjoy spending time with him. Plus he’s always there when I need emotional support. However, our relationship isn’t perfect. The main problem is the huge gap between our incomes. I’ve got a good, government job that pays me a lot of money and allows me to live a jet-setting lifestyle. He, on the other hand, has a fairly low paying job as well as two children from a previous relationship that he has to pay for, which means he spends his income on his kids and not really on the finer things in life.
The thing is, we’ve been talking seriously about our future together, going so far as to mention the dreaded “m word”. But I always keep thinking back to how financially incompatible we are. I’m not sure if I want to spend my life with someone if it’ll require altering my lifestyle so much. If he remains broke, how am I supposed to continuing taking trips around the world, or just enjoying life period? I know money shouldn’t end a relationship, but I really don’t know what to do in this situation!
Show Me The Money
Let’s be real. If you move in with your boyfriend your money will become tied to his. In the short term that shouldn’t matter. You can still take your lavish vacations, buy those Louboutins you’ve been eyeing for months, or recklessly spend your Benjamins on shots at the bar for you and all your girls as long as you don’t mind paying for all that yourself. And you shouldn’t since you’re probably already doing that now anyway. It’s in the long term where lack of money becomes an issue. There may come a point in time where you’ll need to cover the bills because your boyfriend, possibly husband at that point, can’t. You may have to send your kids to the worst public school in your neighborhood because you won’t be able to afford to send them to the private school down the street. And you can forget about buying fresh produce for your family from the farmer’s market.
However, this is all assuming one thing: that your boyfriend will stay at his low-paying job until the end of time. Maybe he has hopes. Maybe he has dreams. Maybe he’s got a plan to get up out of his situation right now, and is just waiting for the perfect moment to enact said plan. Maybe he’s scared to execute his plan and needs a little more support from you! I’m just saying you can’t write your boo off just yet. Instead, sit down with him and have a real conversation to see where he thinks his life is headed. If it seems like he’s not content where he currently is and wants to improve his situation, then you should put in some time to help him reach his goals. Look for jobs for him in your spare time. Ask your friends to see if anyone they know is hiring. Become BFF with with the Craigslist jobs section for your city. Give your man that push he may need and money issues will be the least of your worries going forward.
Need relationship advice? Send your questions over to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com.
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