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Ask MISSter Simms – I Have a Crush On My Friend’s Crush

just a little crush

Remember kids: chicks before…non-chicks.

Dear MISSter Simms,

I met a guy through one of my friends.  We became friends pretty quickly as we have the same interests, sense of humour, and see eye to eye on a bunch of topics.  He’s not so subtly hinted that he wants to start a relationship with me, but there’s one thing standing in the way: the friend who introduced us,  just so happens to have a crush on him.  She’s actually had a crush on him for years, but hasn’t been able to tell him that yet.  She has an idea that he’s interested in me, but doesn’t have a clue that those feelings are mutual.  I’m having a hard time deciding if I should go ahead and date the guy, which could damage my friendship with the person who introduced us, or date a guy who none of my friends are remotely into.  What do you think?

Crush Lover

Dear CL,

You’re right.  If you go ahead and date the person your friend is interested in, it will damage, possibly even completely ruin, your friendship.  On top of all that, if you share a whole bunch of mutual friends with this person, your relationship with them may also be damaged.  Why?  Because odds are your friend will feel betrayed and will tell everyone and anyone who will listen how much of a bad friend you are.  So you have to think about whether dating one guy is worth losing a whole bunch of relationships or not.

Now if you do decide that you can’t live without this guy for whatever reason, then cool.  There’s a couple of ways to get what you want without possibly harming your friend.  You could try to get another guy to be the object of your friend’s affections, thereby freeing up the guy you like and allowing you two to be together drama free.  If that isn’t an option, you could just be patient.  There may come a time when your friend comes to the conclusion on her own that she doesn’t like the guy anymore.  Could be tomorrow, could be three months from now.  Who knows, but as long as her love goes unrequited there is a strong chance that she’ll get tired of that and move on.  You’ll know the timing is right when your friend suggests that you and your former crush should hook up.  The one drawback to waiting, though, is that the crush may look at you one day and realize he’s just not that into you because he couldn’t have you when he wanted to.  Keep that in mind.

Another thing you might want to keep in mind when making your final decision.  Falling in and out of love with random dudes will happen a billion times before you meet the person you really want to be with.  True friendship, though, comes around much less often and is worth cherishing.

Need relationship advice?  Send your questions to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com and you might be featured on the next installment of Ask MISSter Simms.

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