Dear MISSter Simms,
I saw your answer to ‘upset girlfriend’ about her man’s friends hating her. I have a similar issue, only slightly different….my boyfriend’s friends WERE my friends too.
I actually met my boyfriend through these friends. We are a very big group of about 30 people all ages from 25-35. We are super close and do tons of fun things together like trips and music festivals.
Once word got out that my boyfriend and I were dating, some of the people in the group started acting very hateful towards me. They suddenly started talking $#!% behind my back. Within the last few days, these “friends” have turned into complete bullies. I was verbally attacked via text message by one of them. This one specific friend has never spoken to my boyfriend about our relationship so any thoughts she has are purely based on word of mouth from others. I should probably mention that the friends who are hateful and crude is a total of about 4 and 3 of them live together. I should also mention that they are unemployed by choice and sit around doing drugs all day. Clearly they are bored out of their minds and have nothing better to do. But if you met them, you’d never guess the gross life that they lead. They live in an awesome high-rise condo with great view, attractive on the outside, have lots of friends etc.
Difference between myself and “upset girlfriend” is that I am actually very tough, slightly on the bitchy side if necessary I stick up for myself and I don’t tolerate any disrespect. However, I am still a lady. Ive treated all of them with nothing but respect. To me, its not a huge deal. I’m the kind of gal that thinks if you don’t like me, I’ll show you where the f*ckin door is, peace. My boyfriend, on the other hand, strives to get acceptance from everyone. I have encouraged him countless times to go out with his friends and I never get upset when he spends time with them and I’m not around.
Maybe its because they’re seeing me in a different light now that I’m in a relationship? Maybe it’s because they never liked me? Maybe it’s jealousy?
Whatever it is, I need help on how to deal with it so my man can have a happy girlfriend and friends. Thanks!
Haters gon’ hate. I can imagine your friends right now sitting in their high rise condo, wearing ridiculously tight pants and thick rimmed eyeglasses even though they have 20/20 vision, looking out the windows and just hating on the tiny people below. They probably still have first generation iPhones to keep it “retro”.
From your email it doesn’t sound like you give two poops whether you stay friends with these people or not, which is good! Who wants to spend their life hanging out with hateful people? Scooping out your eyeball with a spoon would probably be more enjoyable. And while it’s nice that you encourage your boyfriend to continue hanging out with these people…WHY? For one thing, your man needs to learn that “friend” is not a term to be thrown around lightly. Can you really call someone your friend if they hate on your relationship for no apparent reason other than jealousy? For another thing, your man needs to learn that he shouldn’t accept people openly disrespecting you. Where they do that at? Considering that you hang out in such a huge group, sure these four people can’t be all that important, can they?
You said you want your man to have a happy girlfriend and friends, but in this situation it can’t possibly work out that way. The only way the haters will be happy is if you two break up, which I assume would make you sad. And if you stay together, they’ll continue hating. You and your boo should just worry about yourselves and the multitude of not hating friends you both have.
Need relationship advice? Send your questions to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com and you might be featured on the next installment of Ask MISSter Simms.
- Ask MISSter Simms – His Ex-Girlfriend Is Getting In the Way
- Ask MISSter Simms – My Boyfriend is BFF With His Ex
- Ask MISSter Simms: My Boyfriend’s Friends Hate Me!
- Ask MISSter Simms: Haunted By My Past
- Ask MISSter Simms: Torn Between Lovers