Dear MISSter Simms,
I have been with my boyfriend for several years, and most of that time we have been living together. You could say that things have moved quickly. My boyfriend is in his 30s, and I am in my early 20s. Our wide age different hasn’t really been a factor before, but now I’m thinking that I have other things I need to be experiencing before I settle down and commit to someone forever. He has recently started talking about marriage. My boyfriend is great, but the thought of being with him forever right now is kind of scary to me.
Basically, I know I love him and really care about him, but I’m not sure I’m ready to marry him right now. How can I know whether I should throw away what I have now for an uncertain future, or whether I should stay with someone and always wonder whether there was something better out there waiting for me?
Not Yet Ready
Ah yes, the early 20s. Pretty sure all I was thinking about then was trying to get my money right and getting as much random stranger booty as possible. It’s only now, as I’m head toward the magic number of 30, that I am beginning to think about marriage, children, and all the prostituting I’m going to have to do to afford their tuition. Point is, you two are at very different stages in your life right now, and it’s clear that marriage is the farthest thing from your mind.
I hate the following four words, but maybe you need to tell your boyfriend that “We need to talk.” You have to let him know exactly where you’re at right now. The last thing you want to do is jump into a marriage you don’t even want to be in just to spare somebody’s feelings. It never works out that way. You’ll be miserable, and then you’ll wind up getting a divorce and hurting his feelings anyway. He might even save you some trouble by deciding to break it off with you first!
Just do me a favor. Next time you find a boyfriend, make sure he’s either closer to your age or more in tune with your life plan.
Need relationship advice? Send your questions to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com and you might be featured on the next installment of Ask MISSter Simms.
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