Dear MISSter Simms,
Ok, so I’ve been married to my husband for like 2 years now. He’s my best friend, and I love him dearly, but he absolutely refuses to shower on what I’d call a regular basis (or even a semi-regular one). Granted, I knew he had some strange habits before I married him, but you never really know what bothers you until you have to deal with it every day, right? Because of his habits he stinks almost all the time and we rarely have sex. Like I said, I love him. But it’s hard to get intimate in that kind of situation. I just want to jump him and scrub him down with a soapy sponge. I’ve brought up the issue quite often, but he always manages to deflect things. What can I do?
Clean Hubby Craver
While I would normally recommend that you get butt naked, tie your husband down, and bath him yourself (which would then lead him to associate bathing with pleasurable shaboinking), I don’t think it would work in this particular situation. Why? Because any guy who can forgo both bathing and sex with his wife for extremely long periods of time must have some serious issues. Maybe he was in jail at some point in time and dropped the soap in the shower stall. Maybe he watched Nightmare on Elm Street as a child and thinks that Freddy Krueger’s hand is gonna come after him while he’s chilling in the bathtub. Either way, what you need to do is get him to see a psychologist/therapist ASAP to identify what the underlying problem is. Keep in mind that changing him won’t happen over night, but with the help of professional he’ll hopefully be bathing like he should and giving you the sweet lovin’ you deserve.
Need relationship advice? Send your questions over to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com.
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