Dear MISSter Simms,
Hi, maybe you could shed some light on my situation and help me to get passed it.
I have this “friend” whom I think has either outgrown me or has something against me; either way she’s not doing a good job with hiding it. To make a long story short, we met in our late teens and now we are in our early 30’s. We’ve had our share of ups & downs in the friendship but I never held resentment against her for things that occurred. I consider her a good person still.
Ok so she moved to a neighboring state and I noticed that our visits and talks are few and next to none and it seems as though I’m the one always reaching out to say what’s up, but I do see her going out w/ other people we know. I gave myself a reality check wondering if it was jealousy I was feeling, but it wasn’t. I think anyone would feel the same and she isn’t my only friend. When she does girl’s trips she doesn’t include me, then when I inquire about it she brings up that I’m a single mom & didn’t know if I’d be able to go (she’s single, no kids). Now mind you, she has another friend who lives 2 hours from me that is single, 2 kids, she visits her but never tells me she’s here!!
If I ask her to check out things I’m interested in doing (my fashion/photo blog & I was pursuing writing a book) never has she offered support or feedback. Could it be that she has outgrown me, she’s just not that into me anymore (lol)? Granted I know you’re just getting my version of things but I’m giving it to you straight, no chaser. I am OK until I see her Facebook statuses boasting about her “girl’s trips”, then I somehow get upset. I’ve seen her behave resentful towards her other friends for things they do, and, hey, why should I be exempt? I am trying to pinpoint why her actions bother me so much. I’ve bought my feelings up to her before and of course I’m over reacting and I refuse to mention it again.
I know we are at different places in life, but I’m the same person no lie! When she comes to my state she does not contact me even though she isn’t in my city, but one time I went to her state to visit family & didn’t contact her on purpose just to see what she would do and she contacted me asking when was I going to contact her? I don’t believe in having “frienemies”. It just ain’t for me. Should I just accommodate the END in friend? Should I do like Usher & let it burn??!! What would be your next step if you were me? Please forgive me for this being mad long.
End of a Friend
To quote one of my best friends, “Never make someone a priority who only sees you as an option.”
I’ve read your letter six ways from Sunday and have come to the conclusion that, yes, your relationship with this “friend” of yours is basically over. But I don’t think you have come to that conclusion just yet…or rather, don’t want to come to that conclusion. Which is 100% understandable. Who wants to sit there and believe that their long time friend has kind of “dumped” them, especially when the reasons why aren’t immediately obvious? But the gigantic, neon, Times Square like signs are there all up in your face letting you know things are kaput. You said…
- Your visits and talks are next to none
- She never invites you anywhere
- Her reasons for not inviting seem like some BS doo doo sauce
- She doesn’t give two craps about what you’re interested in
I can’t even begin to tell you why your “friend” is acting the way she is, because I’m MISSter Simms and not Miss Cleo. Did you bang her man? Did you poop in her Cheerios? Did you key her car one night after too many Jagerbombs? You said you guys have had some ups and downs throughout your relationship…maybe you had one too many downs? I have no clue. What I can tell you, however, is that you need to stop wasting your time and focus on your other friends. You don’t need to call her up and formally end things, or fight her in the streets or something. Just stop contacting her. As painful as it is to lose a friend (seemingly for no reason), these things happen. And at your age who really needs a whole bunch of unnecessary drama in their life?
Need relationship (or even friendship) advice? Send your questions over to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com.
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