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Ask MISSter Simms: My Husband’s Coming Back from Deployment

Solitary Military Wife

Solitary Military Wife

Dear MISSter Simms,

My husband is in the military.  Not long after we got married, he was deployed overseas and has not been back in a couple of years.  Now he’s set to come home in a few months.  Everyone is happy about him finally being back, and he always tells me how much he’s missed me and being home.  There’s just one problem…

I’m not sure if I want him to come back.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love my husband.  I really do.  The last thing I want for him is to still be overseas potentially in harms way.  It’s just that…after all this time, I’ve gotten used to life without him.  I’ve been able to do things that he never would have approved of, like taking vacations to places he wouldn’t want to visit, and eating at restaurants he wouldn’t dare think about.  I can watch whatever I want on TV, leave the dishes in the sink, and cook what I please.  I’ve even got the house just the way I want it because I didn’t also have to consider his input.

I just think that my currently low stress levels will shoot through the roof once he returns.  I wonder if I’ll be able to accept him back into what has become MY home, not our home.  And no, I don’t have a secret side lover or anything complicating the situation.  It’s just me, myself, and I, and I’ve grown to like it like that.

Am I crazy?  Extremely selfish?  A giant control freak? Do other military wives go through this? 

I could really use your advice!

Solitary Military Wife


Dear SMW,

Trust me.  You’re not a jerk.  Shoot…I feel the same way after my pseudo-wife/girlfriend has been out of the house for an hour!

It’s only natural to feel that way, especially in your situation.  This guy may be your husband, but when he comes back it’s going to feel more like having a roommate.  A really annoying roommate who does everything to get on your nerves, but doesn’t know what they’re doing is “wrong.”  Your husband will probably leave the toilet seat up more often than not.  He’ll want to watch football when you want to watch the season finale of Grey’s Anatomy.  Maybe he’ll even waltz through the house with his shoes on while you would rather everyone take their shoes off at the door.

A lot of my friends are military wives and have been in similar situations as yourself.  My advice to  you is to first seek help from the military as they have services specifically designed to meet this problem head on.  I also think you need to give both you and your husband time to adjust to each other again.  Think of it like how things were, when you were dating or whatever and getting to know each other.  Because that’s what it will be like until you guys have started to get used to each other’s routines and weird habits again.

Need relationship advice?  Send your questions over to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com.

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