Dear MISSter Simms,
I recently met someone who I befriended on Facebook 6 years ago. He and I attended the same college. The second time I met him in person, we slept together. It was unplanned. I started to catch feelings for him eventually. When the subject of dating came up, he said he was emotionally unavailable because he recently came out of a relationship. Four months down the line, I still garner hope that he is going to come around if I remain his friend and he will soon get it that I’m the best for him. We still hook up occasionally when we see each other. And when I have other life drama, he listens and I am comfortable sharing details with him. Should I stop hoping for more?
Lost & Confused
Should you stop hoping for more? Not necessarily. But I definitely wouldn’t pin all your hopes and dreams on this one guy either. It seems like there are a few things going on here: 1) Dude just got out of a relationship 2) Dude either still has feelings for his old girl or just isn’t ready to be in another relationship 3) You and dude have some “thing” together…long distance booty call perhaps? All of these factors are conspiring against you right now. While he’s doing his thing and moving past the relationship, another relationship – even with a girl who may or may not be cool – isn’t going to happen. And if there is enough distance between you, a relationship really wouldn’t work anyway. My main concern is this, though: in any relationship, a woman’s number-one power is her sexuality. You can get a dude to do anything if you promise to give up the goods or threaten to deny the booty. In your situation you’ve already used your trump card, and he still isn’t trying to do anything other than the occasional boinking. I’m not sure if it’s too late, but you need to stop banging him, create a desire within him so that he’ll forget his old girl and legit want you, and then (and only then) can you give up the goods again.
Need relationship advice? Send your questions to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com and you might be featured on the next installment of Ask MISSter Simms.
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