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Ron Simms Jr.
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Ask MISSter Simms: Strippers Are Stealing My Boyfriend

ask misster simms

Some people fear clowns. Others fear strippers.

Dear MISSter Simms,

What is it with guys and strippers?  Despite my very vocal objections, my boyfriend of several years decided it would be a great idea to go to his friend’s bachelor’s party in Vegas.  I felt sick to my stomach thinking about my boyfriend being surrounded by strippers, grinding up on him and his friends.  That was a few months ago.  Now he’s considering going to the bachelor party of one of his other friends, this time in Atlantic City.  Does he not care that I’m thoroughly opposed to the idea?  What do those strippers have that I don’t?  It’s starting to make me feel like I’m not good enough.  Meanwhile another guy has recently been trying to woo me, and because of my boyfriend’s love for strippers I’m actually considering doing things with this other guy.  What should I do?

Stripper Hater

Dear Stripper Hater,

Damn, what’d a stripper ever do to you?  Ain’t nothin’ wrong with putting yourself through college.  Really, this fear of strippers seems kind of irrational to me.  I’ve been to more than my fair share of strip clubs, and the only things strippers seem to really be concerned with is getting dudes to put George Washington’s into their g-strings.  And the only thing your boy is probably up to is getting a view of a different pair of boobs that he doesn’t have to search for on the internet.

What you should do in situations like this is, first, chill the hell out.  Once you’ve done that you’ve got some options at your disposal.  If you want to keep your man at home, why not dress up like a stripper yourself, do a lil’ dance, make the booty clap, etc…and I guarantee he won’t be thinking about anybody else for at least 48 hours.  If you’re not comfortable with all that, let him go out with his boys while you go on a trip of your own with your girlfriends and get into some shenanigans.

What you don’t do is use the whole stripper thing as an excuse to get with another dude.  At that point strippers aren’t ruining your relationship.  You are.

Need relationship advice?  Send your questions to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com and you might be featured on the next installment of Ask MISSter Simms.

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