Dear MISSter Simms,
I’m engaged to be married to a man who is wonderful, sweet, and kind the vast majority of the time. The only problem? He can be extremely jealous from time to time. Sometimes he assumes I’m checking out other guys when I haven’t even noticed them, and he doesn’t really like me to hang out with my other male friends when he’s not around. Some of my friends say to ignore it and not feed into his jealously; others say I should nip it in the bud and tell him how his jealously could eventually ruin our relationship/future marriage. He was engaged before to someone who got cold feet and left him standing at the altar, but I constantly try to reassure him that that won’t happen again. What should I do?
The Good Girlfriend
Like many girls used to tell me back in the day, it’s not you…it’s me. Er…I mean him. What’s happened is that your fiance has had this traumatic experience, and it’s altered the way he behaves towards women. Even the woman he really, really loves (that’d be you). Why? Because he got jilted at the altar and that’s a tough thing to go through. Clearly he’s making strides by getting engaged to you and going through the process again, but there’s this part of his mind that doesn’t trust you because you’re a woman and you might do what his ex-fiance did to him. It’s not something that’s going to change overnight. My suggestion is you keep talking to him about how you feel, what you expect out of this relationship, and how his behavior is affecting you. If at all possible you should probably get some premarital counseling while you’re at it. I’m sure you both love each other, but an issue like that needs to definitely get resolved (or be in the process of being resolved) before you guys tie the knot. Otherwise you could be in for a fairly rough marriage.
Need relationship advice? Send your questions to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com and you might be featured on the next installment of Ask MISSter Simms.
- Ask MISSter Simms: Torn Between Lovers
- Ask MISSter Simms: Why Won’t He Pop The Question?
- Ask MISSter Simms: I’m In A Hetero Relationship but Attracted to Other Women
- Ask MISSter Simms: My Boyfriend’s A Pothead
- Ask MISSter Simms: How Can I Stop Feeling Like We Should Be Serious?