Dear MISSter Simms,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year now. One day, while helping him clean up his room, I noticed some VHS tapes in his top drawer. At first I just thought it was weird that someone had VHS tapes in the year 2011, but eventually my curiosity got the best of me and I decided to watch the tapes while my boyfriend was out with his friends. Big mistake. Turns out they were both sex tapes my boyfriend had made with another girl a couple of years ago. It looked like someone else was doing the filming in the second tape.
It doesn’t bother me so much that my boyfriend made sex tapes in his past. What does bother me is that he still has them sitting in his top drawer. And they weren’t really “hidden” or anything, which means he probably watches them still. I’d rather him go watch some random porn on the internet than think about past people he’s slept with. How can I tell him how I feel about these tapes without admitting than I violated his privacy? Should I just burn them and act like I don’t know what happened to them? I want to mentally move on from this, but I know I can’t until I confront him about it. Please help!
Oh snap. Your boy should have known better. Unless you’re getting paid to do it, you never leave any video or photo evidence of your sexual encounters. And you sure as hell don’t leave said evidence in the top drawer, just begging to be looked at.
You know who else should have known better? You. One thing you never do is go through your significant other’s things. I don’t care how serious a person’s relationship is or how close two people are to each other. Now you can do either one of two things. You can put the salacious images out of your mind and pretend like you never saw the tapes – thereby avoiding having to confront your boyfriend about them and not revealing that you broke his trust – or, if you’re feeling particularly wracked by guilt or something, you can fess up to your crime and try to get him to get rid of the tapes. Obviously if you don’t say anything he’ll probably keep watching the tapes; if you do say something he might get rid of the tapes, but he probably won’t trust you again for a while, and your relationship could be irrevocably damaged. However, should you decide to say something, the key to limiting the damage caused is all in the delivery. Don’t judge him. Don’t be angry. Don’t try to force him. Just tell him that you’re sorry and how you feel about the tapes; the rest should take care of itself.
Need relationship advice? Send your questions to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com and you might be featured on the next installment of Ask MISSter Simms.
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