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Ron Simms Jr.
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Ask MISSter Simms: How Can I Stop Feeling Like We Should Be Serious?

Sometimes it's best to silence that inner voice

Dear MISSter Simms,

I have been dating the guy I’m with for the past 6 months, and even though we talk all the time and see each other multiple times a week, we still haven’t said “I love you” to each other.  There are a bunch of reasons why we’re both hesitant to “get serious”, but we enjoy each other’s company and I would like to keep seeing him.  The thing is, I get this nagging feeling in my mind from time to time  like we should be more serious, and then I get upset that we’re not.  I don’t really want to be serious with him, so how can I keep our relationship casual in actuality and casual in my head?

Serious Thoughts

Dear ST,

Glad you realized that how you actually feel and how you think you should feel don’t have to be the same thing.  I think romantic comedies, Twilight movies, and CW TV shows have done a good job convincing people they should have crazy unrealistic relationship expectations.  Congrats for not falling victim to that.

Now five months is not a long time so there’s no need reason for you to feel like you guys should be more serious.  I don’t know about anyone else, but five months into a relationship I’m still trying to figure out if the person I’m with is someone who might stab me in my sleep.  Keep doing your casual thing and you’ll be fine.

What you need to do is listen to your instincts.  According to you, you have a bunch of reasons why you aren’t trying to be serious right now.  Respect that.  I suspect that you think you should be more serious because of what someone else has said.  Maybe it was your mom, a friend, a sister, or something you saw on Pretty Little Liars.  Whatever the case may be, whenever that voice pops up you need to tell it that you’re going to do it your way.  One day it may be that you want something more, but for now trust your feelings and not your inner voice.  I have a feeling that the person speaking isn’t actually you anyway.

Need relationship advice?  Send your questions to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com and you might be featured on the next installment of Ask MISSter Simms.

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