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Ron Simms Jr.
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Ask MISSter Simms: Air Force Romance

Ask Misster Simms

Is it possible to have a normal relationship with a man in uniform?

Dear MISSter Simms,
So, I recently became reacquainted with a guy from high school through our mutual friends a couple weeks ago. I got really curious about him and was obviously attracted to him, so I decided to ask him out. I decided from the very start that this was just going to be a fling, because he’s part of the Air Force and was actually just spending his vacation back home. His next stop was Florida and he was leaving in a month.
We went on our first “date”, and what do you know, it was quite pleasant. We started seeing each other more, went on more “dates”, and of course you know what happened next. He fell for me….and after trying to keep it casual I close to ALMOST fall for him, too.
After holding my feelings in for so long, I just let everything go on our most-likely last date before he had to leave. We talked about a lot of things over dinner and tried to clear the air, and after learning so much I can say that I see a lot of boyfriend potential in this dude. But the fact of the matter is that he’s in the Air Force, gone for at least 11 months at a time. doesn”t know where he’ll be stationed next. He’s young; it’s his time.
I had to convince myself to think logically and not with my heart Logically, it’s obvious what needs to be done. I don’t want to hold him back, but I don’t want this to be an annual fling either. I definitely don’t want to be with him; then go crazy thinking he’s cheating on me with some girl he’s met wherever he’s stationed. Maybe the timing is wrong and we should experience other people to make sure we know we’re right for each other.
I planned on telling him how I felt at the airport the day he left, but i just didn’t have the balls to!!!!! I really felt something with this guy, and although there’s plenty fish in the sea, I’m really picky and I finally found something worth my time. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have a good idea of how to tackle this, but I would really like to know what you think!

Air Force Lover

Dear AFL,
I live in Okinawa, Japan, a small island home to 14 bases and about 27000 men and women in the United States Armed Forces. I’d wager that a large percentage of people in the military here are dudes between the ages of 18-25. Every weekend they can be found in the local bars and nightclubs spittin’ game to girls and trolling for booty. Sometimes those girls end up becoming wifey, and everyone lives happily ever after. But more often than not these girls get taken on an emotional roller coaster ride. For one thing these guys are young, immature, and still kind of trying to find their place in the world. For another their lonely, horny, and don’t necessarily have to tie themselves down to one person. Their lives are filled with a ton of uncertainty, and that lack of stability can make it hard for a person to want to settle down.
What I’m trying to say is that being in a relationship with a dude who is gone 99% of the time is extremely difficult, and the logical side of you is absolutely right in recognizing that. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but too much absence makes the heart go…wander…ing…into the arms of another person. Someone who can actually fulfill a person’s needs. And it’s not only him I’m talking about, either. Would you really want to be in a relationship where 11 months out of the year you don’t see your boyfriend, can’t kiss him, can’t hug him, can’t make sweet, sweaty love with him, and can’t blow up his phone 24/7?
I think that, even though you didn’t tell him how you felt, he probably feels the same way too. The both of you know that having a real relationship now would be hard and stressful. What you two should do is keep in touch, but on a friendly basis perhaps. Date other people, do your thing. When he’s done with the Air Force or in a position where he doesn’t have to be gone 99% of the year, and you guys are still itching to get with each other, then go ahead and pull the trigger. If your feelings for each other are that strong, then you will be together when the time is right.

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