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Ask MISSter Simms: Torn Between Lovers

When torn between two lovers, what should you do?

Dear MISSter Simms,

A few years ago I met a man and started to really fall for him, but he was engaged at the time and decided to stay with his fiance.  We decided to just stay friends at that point.  Not long after that I met someone else who I felt could be the one, and me and the engaged guy lost contact.  Fast forward three years and me and my boyfriend are starting to have some serious problems.  I ran into the engaged (now married) guy, and we started hanging out again.  Come to find out he and his wife are having issues of their own and are on the verge of a divorce.  At this point I’d rather be with this guy than with my current boyfriend, but I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend’s feelings either…I don’t know what to do.  Please help!

Torn Between Two

Dear TBT,

Whoa buddy, this one is kind of a doozy.  And by doozy I mean crazy as bat poop.

Now I realize you have had feelings for this dude who’s getting divorced for a minute now, but right now you’re in a relationship with someone you claimed was “the one.”  Do you want to throw all that away because you are having some issues now?  All relationships inevitably encounter problems…if they can be worked out, I’d do that.  Especially if your relationship has been good to great otherwise.  Would you even be considering breaking up with your boyfriend if this other guy wasn’t around tempting you?

Speaking of this guy, would you really want to ruin the relationship you currently have over someone who’s a) a known cheater (he cheated on his fiance with you after all…maybe he’d cheat on you with someone else) and b) who may or may not actually get divorced?  Here is the thing about divorces.  You don’t just wake up one day, say I’m going to get divorced, and automatically you’re not married to your spouse.  They’re a lot more complicated than that.  They can take forever to complete, and during that time people can choose not to get divorced and just stay together.  You could break up with your boyfriend now, wait around for this guy to get his divorce, and not end up with him in the end.  All you’ll have at that point is…nothing.

So I think you should stay with your boyfriend and work things out.  If you can’t. So be it.  Just make sure you’re breaking up for that reason and not because you are itching to get with this other guy.

Need relationship advice?  Send your questions to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com and you might be featured on the next installment of Ask MISSter Simms.

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