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Ask MISSter Simms – My Boyfriend is BFF With His Ex

Best friends with his ex

How do you handle your boyfriend being BFF with his ex?

Dear MISSter Simms,

Me and my boyfriend have been dating long distance for about 8 months.  Everything has been good for the most part except for one thing: he still talks to and is best friends with his ex-girlfriend.  I believe they talk about 2-3 times a week.  I admit my boyfriend told me about this when we first started dating and I was OK with it.  But now that I have started having stronger feelings for him it’s starting to be more of a problem.  He talks about his ex all the time and is always calling her for advice.  I’m wondering if I should issue an ultimatum….either her, or me.  Am I being overly jealous/sensitive?


Dear Envious,

Whoa whoa whoa there stop the presses.  If you want to keep your boyfriend I would rethink the whole ultimatum deal.  Nobody, and I mean nobody, likes ultimatums.  You know why negotiators don’t dole out ultimatums to hostage takers?  Because everybody would wind up shot.  I have a feeling the same thing would happen in your case, although instead of winding up shot you’d be left heartbroken as your boyfriend leaves you and continues to be friends with his ex.

Now with that out of the way, have you actually talked to your boyfriend about this problem?  If you haven’t yet, he is probably under the assumption that everything is gravy.  Why?  Because you said you had no problem with it.  I think one of the big issues here is trust, or lack thereof.  I’m not sure what has gone on in your relationship, but I always go by the rule of trusting people until you don’t have a reason to trust them anymore.  If your boyfriend has been minding his P’s and Q’s the whole time then I wouldn’t even worry about it.

With all that said, the only way to really ease your mind I suppose would be to have a chat with your boyfriend and see where he’s coming from.  Like I said before, he might not even have a clue that his relationship with his ex has been bothering you so much.  It wouldn’t be the first time that a guy has been clueless about his girlfriend’s real feelings.

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