Dear MISSter Simms,
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a while now. About a year ago he moved a few cities over from where we lived and I decided to move with him and live together. Of course, we didn’t know anybody when we moved, and my boyfriend wound up making friends with some less desirable people…people like druggies, high school drop outs, petty criminals, and ravers. Years ago, when we were in high school, he used to hang out with these type of people, but I was pretty sure he had changed his ways.
Now the cute text messages and phone calls he used to do have been replaced by sneaking around and not telling me when he’s coming back or what he’s doing. This kind of behavior is sending up the red flags. I worry that he’s slipping back into his old lifestyle and that I should make plans to jump ship. Should I be concerned or am I being paranoid?
No, I don’t think you’re being paranoid. I actually think you are 1 billion percent justified in your reaction, especially if you’re boyfriend has a history of doing questionable things. I personally think that people don’t really change (unless they have a really, REALLY, good reason to) and that instead they just get better about hiding their bad traits and doing stuff in the dark, so in my mind there’s a high possibility that he is up to no good. Still, having said all that, it’s not exactly a foregone conclusion that he’s drifted back into his life of shady activities.
I suggest you get some answers out of your boyfriend, and get them quickly. No beating around the bush on this one. Find out what he’s doing and who he’s doing it with. Find out where he goes when he’s not able to be contacted. And find out why he’s doing all this stuff anyway. Is he bored? Does he feel isolated? I mean you said you guys moved to a new town…that’s a pretty major change that could have a big effect on someone. It’s possible that the things that were keeping him out of trouble in your old city aren’t there for him anymore.
Keep a close eye on him, make plenty of mental notes, and if things don’t change and you don’t approve of his shenanigans then cut him off like a light and move on with your life. If he is involved in some unscrupulous stuff, the last thing you want is to stick around too long and get sucked into it to.
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