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Dear Summer: The Blame Game


It’s inevitable that relationships go hand in hand with arguments. Spending countless hours with the same person every day is bound to spark up some form of irritation. Although completely natural and seemingly harmless, bickering can turn a sweet thing sour with just one simple word: YOU. “YOU don’t pay attention to me” “YOU don’t spend enough time with the kids” “It’s YOUR fault”. When pride gets in the way of your own accountability, the BLAME GAME ensues.

I spent several years pointing my own finger, often manipulating situations to keep from being the proverbial bad guy. I actually convinced a boyfriend it was his fault I had taken a sudden interest in someone else. My excuses ranged from him working too much to him not being able to meet my needs, but the truth is, I was bored and had a notorious roving eye. Looking back, I’m sure telling the truth wouldn’t have made it any less painful, but at least I would’ve left the guy with some dignity.

Constantly placing blame on a partner can result in feelings of inadequacy and resentment. Sure, if there is a situation, then communicating your feelings is more than necessary. Instead of focusing on whose fault it is, diffuse the debacle as a team. It may very well be him spending all the savings, but no one likes a nag. Voice your concern by suggesting ways you can help. That way, instead of tuning you out (which most men do in times of turmoil), he’ll be more inclined to take your advice and shape up.

Don’t let the blame game drive a wedge between you and a loved one. Own up to your actions and admit to being the bad guy every now and then. Not only will it strengthen your relationship, but your character will grow as well.

Image Layout: Aeramis

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