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Dear Summer: Boyfriend Vs. Boy FRIEND

Best friends of the opposite sex are always a little complicated. If you’re anything like me, it’ll take a LOT of convincing that a relationship of this nature can even exist. The law of attraction says “like attracts like”. In that case, what stops this metaphysical belief from actually becoming physical? Nevertheless, it happens. In my own situation, becoming a divorcee is how I ultimately gained my “boy FRIEND”. Truthfully, I didn’t know a single soul who I could relate to more than my husband and after the split, we agreed to be lifelong besties. Hardly anything in our relationship changed besides the fact that I was no longer “Mrs. So-and-So” and obviously, we no longer shared the same bed. But everything that was good in our time together stayed the same; we shopped, went to movies and dinners, hung out with our dogs… it was perfect. That is, until I met THE ONE (well, the one for right now at least).

Breaking it to the bestie became an even stickier situation since they knew each other (which is a whole other topic, by the way). My number one priority was making sure both sides knew how I felt from start to finish. I decided by putting everything out in the open, no one’s feelings would be hurt and we’d be able to move forward with our lives. It was awkward, but I vowed to never sneak around and never make it a tug-of-war. I’ve been down that road before and besides being exhausting, it’s painful. I remember the first time telling THE ONE about dinner plans I had made- that weren’t with him. “OK” he said calmly. I could tell by the look on his face he was slightly annoyed, but he kept his cool. Eventually, the tension faded and they’ve actually become friendly. Some call us crazy, I call us lucky. Whatever it is, it works.

Finding a true comrade in life is tough. So tough, that you should hold on to one no matter its sexual form. Keep in mind that this applies to your man as well. If his bff is a girl, the key to coming to terms with it is honesty and acceptance. I explained to my ex that I wouldn’t be as available as I was before. Out of respect, he understood and backed off. Same goes for your guy and his gal pal. If it bothers you over time, bite the bullet and tell them. If she’s a WOMAN, she’ll get it and if she’s a REAL woman, she’ll extend the olive branch and make you her friend as well.

Bottom line is that you CAN have your cake and eat it too, you just have to be an adult about it. Don’t sneak. Never lie. Include and invite. Don’t ever be weird about it. After all, you’re JUST friends… right?

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One Response to “Dear Summer: Boyfriend Vs. Boy FRIEND”

  1. Margaret says:

    you’ve hit a goldmine summer! i don’t know anyone else (myself included!) who’ve managed to straddle the delicate balance of those worlds. good luck babygirl keep us updated!!! god knows i could use all the sage advice i can get


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