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Ron Simms Jr.
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Ask MISSter Simms – Silence Isn’t So Golden

It's oh so quiet....

Dear MISSter Simms,

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a couple of years now and our love is still going strong.  We even started living together about a year ago, which has been good so far with one exception: we don’t really talk as much as we used to.   When we first started dating we used to talk on the phone a few times a day at least.  Now when we’re both home together from work we don’t have a ton to talk about.  We still text a bit during the day but it would be nice to have an actual conversation over dinner.   What should I do?

Quiet Riot

Hey QR,

First, it’s not uncommon for couples to run out of things to talk about, especially a few years into the relationship.  Think about it.  In the beginning the guy is doing his best to show that he’s interested in and cares about you, and he’s trying to present himself as the best thing since sliced toast.  So naturally he’s going to have a lot to talk about.  He probably asked a million questions to find out how you were doing on any given day and what you were in to, and in turn you probably wanted to know more about him.  People always love talking about themselves you know.  Down the road, once you get past that feeling out part and start to know each other better, the potential for having less and less to say gets higher.  He might feel like there’s not a whole lot new to learn about you.   He might just have nothing he feels interesting to say.  He could even be burned out after a long day at work and just want to chillax quietly on the couch.

One thing that might get your boo talking a bit more is to cut out the texting during the day.  Back in the day (ie. the 1990s) there were no cell phones, text messaging, and all that new fangled hullabaloo.  That meant that if you were living with someone at the time and you two went out to work, you probably wouldn’t talk to the person again until you got home.  As you can imagine, after an 8-10 hour day you’d have a lot of stuff to say by the time you got home in the evening.  Other than that, I think you’re going to have to start being the main conversation starter until he gets back into the talking groove.  You may want to start off talking about things that interest him and then segue into whatever else you want to talk about.  Keep it up for a while and you’ll hopefully get out of the rut you’re currently in.

I would also find out if your boyfriend thinks the talking thing (or lack there of) is an issue as well.  If not, you’ll probably want to have a conversation about that too.

Need relationship advice?  Send your questions to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com and you might be featured on the next installment of Ask MISSter Simms.

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