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Ron Simms Jr.
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Ask MISSter Simms – Lovers and Friends

Can your BFF become your BF?

Dear MISSter Simms,

Just like Julia Roberts in a certain 90s era romantic comedy, I’m in love with my best friend.  And, just like that movie, he doesn’t even know it yet.  We’ve been best friends for about 8 years now, and even though I’ve dated other people during that time I feel like none of them have been as good as my best friend.  We just have a  connection that I haven’t felt with anyone else.  Do I dare tell my best friend about the feelings I have for him, maybe jeopardizing what we already have, or just keep it all to myself and be happy with what we have?  Can best friends become lovers without the world ending?

Crazy In Love

If there’s anything I’ve learned from romantic comedies over the years, it’s that it’s totally possible for best friends not only to be lovers, but to get married and have zillions of babies together.  That and it’s possible to get pink eye from farting in your roommate’s pillow (knowledge is power).

Several years ago I was in a similar situation as yourself.  I wasn’t exactly wildly in love with my best friend, but I did really like a friend of mine I was very, very close to.  At that point we had been friends for 6 years.  We were living in different cities then, so we used to talk on gchat everyday to pass the time at work.  And at night she’d call me to avoid crazy people roaming the streets of New York.  Over time I started to develop feelings for her and, during a trip up north, I visited her place and told her roommate that I’d been crushing hardcore on my friend for a while.  Of course, her roommate told her how I felt and lo and behold she felt the same way.  Not long after that we started dating, and we’ve been together ever since (3 years and counting).

Now, what if my friend had found out that I liked her and the feelings weren’t mutual?  I’ve thought about that scenario many a time in my head and always come up with the same answer: everything would have been fine.  The thing is, if you’re super close with someone it should take a lot more than romantic feelings to ruin that relationship.   Talk to him about it and see how he feels.  He might secretly be madly in love with you too, or he may not.  But you’ll never know unless you say something, and even if he isn’t you guys should still be able to stay best friends regardless.

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