It’s completely natural to put every ounce of our energy into a relationship. The beginning stages are filled with sleepless nights and endless days of excitement and newness, much like getting a new puppy. As time goes by, the comfort sets in and being wrapped up in that cozy blanket of stability forces you to literally never leave the bed. You’re finally happy. The WOMAN in us feels content as the nurturer, the support system, the “mom”, it’s just how we’re made. Men on the other hand, are still “hunters” by nature, and in this day and age of cutthroat hustling and getting ahead, we tend to lose ourselves and forget our own interests and capabilities. At least in my case.
A long, long time ago, I was married to a DJ. Our courtship was short before we took the plunge and we were off to a great start. That is, until being the “wife of” eventually took it’s toll on me. Being married to someone in the spotlight isn’t as advantageous as one may think. Sure the perks were great, but soon enough, his battles became MY battles. His ego became MY ego. Instead of snuggled in bed, the late nights were spent tagging along, lonely in a DJ booth, making idle chit chat with only god knows who. My role as leading lady eventually became overshadowed by resentment. There was no asking how MY day was, only his, and after only four years, we parted ways. I look back now and know exactly why things went sour. If I would’ve focused on creating my own path versus someone else’s, maybe ( I said MAYBE) we would’ve worked out.
Distancing yourself from a relationship isn’t a negative thing. In fact, it’s healthy and necessary for survival. In my current relationship, there are three lives: mine, his, and ours. We have separate ideas, interests, and goings on and it feels good. That way, the time we DO spend together is always fresh. It’s like we’re getting to know each other all over again, with someone finally inquiring about and supporting ME. Coming into my own involved tuning in to find out what I truly excelled at, and actively putting it to use. No longer am I left alone in the corner of some club; I’m working the room with my own agenda, on my own path.
Coming to terms with a man on his grind is ultimate reality. It’s means for survival after all, and should be for you as well. So as cliche as it may sound, “DO YOU”. Start a business. Take a class. Volunteer. Do something, ANYTHING to pave your way and remember yourself. Forget life in the passenger seat, it’s time to take the wheel.
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