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Ron Simms Jr.
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Ask MISSter Simms: Why Won’t He Pop The Question?


Five years and we're still not married yet?!

Five years and we're still not married yet?!

Dear MISSter Simms,

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for five years now and I’m at the point where I want to take it to the next level and get married already.  I’m turning 23 this year and he’ll be turning 28.  Every time I bring up marriage, however, he either gets pissed or stops talking altogether.  He won’t even say the word marriage in my presence: his brother got engaged the other day and he wouldn’t even tell me because he knew I’d get upset about it.  And he was right, because I did find out when his brother spilled the beans.  Anyway, why won’t my boyfriend cut the crap and marry me?

Marry Me, Dangit!

Dear MMD,

Here’s the simple reason  your boyfriend hasn’t asked you to marry him yet: he’s not ready.  Now, why he’s not ready is up for debate.  It could be for any number of reasons.  He may not think five years is that long of a time.  Maybe after 10 years he’ll feel like he knows you well enough to want to marry you or not.  He could be thinking that 23 and 28 are just too young to get hitched at the moment.  My dad was 35 when he got married to my mom, who was in her late twenties at the time.  There could be other, deeper reasons too.  He might feel like, currently, he can’t provide a decent future for you now because of his job or other factors.  Are his parents divorced?  Then he might think his marriage will end up the same way.  And if his relationships prior to you have had their problems then he might be traumatized a bit.  He could even have commitment phobia.  If you really want to know, you two are going to have to sit down and you’re going to have to make him talk somehow.

Marriage isn’t exactly something to rush into (might be better of rushing into a gun fight with a pair of butter knives), so don’t drop your boyfriend just yet because he’s afraid of walking down the aisle with you.  If you really love him you’ll wait til the both of you are ready to attach the ball and chain tie the knot.

Need relationship advice?  Send your questions to ronsimmsjr at gmail dot com and you might be featured on the next installment of Ask MISSter Simms.

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5 Responses to “Ask MISSter Simms: Why Won’t He Pop The Question?”

  1. artiffact artiffact says:

    I have friends that go by the 7 year rule. If a ring or talk about marriage at least doesn’t come up after 7 years, then it’s time to move on. I’ve witnessed an engagement, a break-up, and even a rekindled love after 7 years.

  2. C_Rocka C-Rocka says:

    I have to agree that he’s not ready but continually pressing him about marriage might just push him away. Some people just don’t get down with the whole marriage deal and just live together forever. Maybe you two need to sit down and talk about your future together and where he sees it going vs you. Just a thought, good luck!

  3. Sha! says:

    Pushing him away – I totally agree. Enjoy the relationship while it’s fruitful and let all the work and magic happen on its own. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be – and if it isn’t, on to the next. Stop timing everything! :)

  4. Ron says:

    personally i don’t see why women are in a rush to get married anyway. its like the relationship can be great, but it wont actually be perfect til theres a ring on your finger. what gives?

  5. Miss.Summer Miss.Summer says:

    I would hate the thought of practically forcing someone to marry me. I got married at 21 and looking back, I was just way too young (I’m divorced now). @ Ron, I definitely think some people are still obsessed with having this huge, beautiful, “perfect” wedding and don’t realize the aftermath, which is the actual marriage. That was my case anyway!

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