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Dear Summer: Shacking Up…Should You?


Dear Summer 01.21

Moving in with your mate is serious business. When you’re in love, you feel invincible and disregard any warnings of the possible catastrophes of cohabitation. But sharing a space with ANYONE (much less someone you’re banging), requires a carefully thought out plan, constant consideration, and in the worst case, an escape route. More often than not, couples move in together out of convenience (be it financial, job location, or sexual necessity…what guy doesn’t like the idea of in-house punany??) I’ll be the first to admit that when it came to my own relationships, there was only a two week time frame in which “him” and I lived separately…a whirlwind romance, I called it. Crazy in love? MAYBE. Recommended? HELL NO. The most important thing you must remind yourself is that you’re dealing with a HUMAN BEING. He’ll fart and leave the seat up and forget to take the garbage out. Things will definitely annoy you, but try not to lose your cool too often, since you’ll inevitably bug him as well.

  • First and foremost, discuss how EACH AND EVERY bill will be divided. Definitely kills the romance factor, but it’s only fair. I made the mistake of never wanting to talk about money and when the first of the month came, I was stuck on stupid- scrambling for the rent all in an effort to seem “independent”.  Asking for help is ok sometimes.
  • Don’t move in assuming he’ll put a ring on it. That’s sadly old fashioned and if that’s your motive, then expect NOTHING to fall in your favor. Intention is EVERYTHING and if you pressure him, you might as well push him away. For good.
  • Don’t do it “for the kids”. If mommy and daddy are better off apart, baby can sense it. Don’t add to the stress of being single parents by forcing yourselves to couple up.
  • Respect his taste. So what if your Ming vase doesn’t match his Lazy Boy? Divide the rooms equally to where each of you can create a PERSONAL comfort zone. For example, give him the office while you revamp the kitchen and vice versa. Nothing is ever that serious, especially when it comes to interior decorating. That’s why the word “eclectic” exists.

  • You are not alone anymore. If you’re super shy about your mate seeing you sans makeup or covered in pimple cream, take this into consideration. Your personal hygiene products (as well as any depilatory creams, laxatives, and/or antidepressant meds) will be on display. If you’re the type to care, then cover your tracks and hide that stuff far, far away.

  • DON’T BITCH. This goes for both of you. Don’t complain about his porn collection, soiled undergarments, or leaving the toilet seat up. That way he won’t be compelled to ramble on about your hoarding tendencies or dislike towards cooking. Everyone wins.
  • Be aware of when it’s just not working. If you went from Jay and Bey to Ike and Tina, don’t be afraid to admit defeat and head for the hills. Whichever party is moving out, do so quickly and quietly, so not to cause any added mayhem. Yes, that includes not cutting up clothes or throwing the t.v. into the street.
  • Listen to your gut. If there is one iota of doubt, or you find yourself making up excuses, DON’T DO IT. In this case, let time be your bff.

Image Layout: Trina

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