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Dear Summer: Sex On The First Date…It Happens

Dear Summer 01.28

There is nothing like anticipating a first date. Think about it, all that preparation is intense: the mani/pedi, blow out, makeup, and wardrobe… followed by a careful inspection of your home. Are candles ready to be lit? Are the sheets sweet smelling and fresh? Is your sex drawer stocked (condoms, lube, gag ball)? If you answered “no” to any of these questions, convinced you won’t give it up on the first night, think again. Often times women take the backseat (wink wink) to being sexually aggressive. It’s not considered “ladylike” and don’t forget that quote mom used to tell you: “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” But in this day and age, coming to terms with yourself sexually involves a heavy dose of reality. WOMEN. HAVE. SEX. Yup we do, and lots of it.

As modern women, we’re expected to be independent, nurturing, AND empowered- all while knowing how to fix a sandwich. But when it comes to sex, who put such a high premium on being a prude? Sex is natural and animalistic and if I’m still expected to wear the apron, then it’s MY right to wear nothing underneath it. So when my current boyfriend and I made plans to meet up for the first time, I didn’t think about what I was “supposed” to do. I disregarded each and every “YOU BETTER NOT” text and phone call. The precisely calculated game playing went out the window as I skipped down the feminine hygiene aisle at the grocery store. Trojan Her Pleasure found its way into my basket (hehe) and even came in a pretty purple box. The night belonged to ME. The morning after our tryst, I thought nothing of the possible aftermath. Would he call me? Would he end up being my boyfriend? I had no clue what would come of it, nor did it matter. He was hot, fun, and sexy. We were two people having a great time and it was OK.

Safe, consensual sex between two adults shouldn’t be attached to some old fashioned social stigma. Why put so much effort into dating someone if ultimately you’re not compatible in bed? Good to find out sooner than later, right? I once hooked up with a guy on the first date KNOWING we’d never hang out again. We lived in different states and after testing the waters, I realized it… just didn’t work. I seized the opportunity of that one evening to save myself from future sexual set backs.

Bottom line, sex on the first date can actually be quite pleasant, so don’t overanalyze. Know what to expect and try not to get your feelings hurt. If you’re looking for LOVE, realize it happens over time and reconsider your intentions. Only in town for one night? Strap it up and stay strong, it’s JUST SEX.

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7 Responses to “Dear Summer: Sex On The First Date…It Happens”

  1. Margaret says:

    “if I’m still expected to wear the apron, then it’s MY right to wear nothing underneath it.”

    I totally agree with you summer! I’m always a teensy bit scared of seeming like a giant whore though. So tired of double standards…the more people discuss (and do, i guess haha), the quicker things will change.
    yay for you! and for boning on date 1!

  2. Kai says:

    I LOVE this! So Femme Fatal-ish. I’m a total prude, but I totally agree, confidence && self-dignity are definitely factors that women should have when considering being sexually active. If more women approached the situation like you did, there would be much less regret, insecurity, and pressure put upon women who are sexually active. It’s surely important to take caution, but when you take control of the situation, you are able to set the rules and have all the power. And that’s what it’s all about right? GIRL POWER . Lol.

  3. Love this. I think it comes down to what you’re comfortable with. If you want sex, get it. If you don’t, you don’t have to. You’re not a whore or a prude, you’re you.

  4. Summer says:

    Thanks for the comments ladies! It still baffles me that after so many years and “progress”, women and sex is still a topic that’s lightweight taboo.

  5. Camille says:

    you are such a great writer. best advice in town 😉

  6. elisia says:

    great post, Summer. I don’t know why sex is so taboo on the first date.

  7. Margaret says:

    also, i would like to hear some thoughts on the subject booty call etiquette. great post again, summer!


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