‘Tis the decade for stress free dating. Everyone wants instant gratification, a quick romance fix. Sites like eHarmony and Match are booming with lonely hearts hoping to e-connect with their soul mate. If that’s what floats your boat, by all means keep a-floating. Recently one of those single and looking guys hit my friend with the dreaded question: ‘you have any single friends?’
Guess who the lucky blind date contestant turned out to me. You got it! It all started with a missed call from an unknown number. I recognized the area code, but the next 7 digits were a puzzle. A New York number? I check the voicemail. Some guy who knew my name and asked me to call him back. I call back and we converse a while. Nothing major, just me trying to figure out who in the hell he is.
The guy runs down his life story and how he got my number from my friend. Great. Sounds innocent enough right? Well, for the first 2 days it was. I ignored the calls and didn’t return the texts. Not interested dude. Get a hint. Now, things are starting to get strange. He calls me at 7am EVERYDAY and texts me using the word ‘us.’ WTF dude? You don’t even know my last name! To top it all off Mickey McCreepster just got out of jail after doing 3 years! Oh no. I don’t do conjugal visits and I’m not putting money on your books.
Ladies, listen to what I say. Don’t put your friends in a screwy situation with an ex con. Matter of fact, don’t give out a girl’s number if you consider her a friend of any sort. You don’t want your good intentions to come back and bite you in the ass. Trust. My friend is still rubbing the teeth marks out of her butt cheek flesh right now.
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