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Little Miss Frustrated: I Don’t Want to See Your Balls

I don't want to see your balls, and I'm sure the rest of the city agrees!

I don't want to see your balls, and I'm sure the rest of the city agrees!

So I’m driving down the street, minding my own business, when a car turns into my lane.  Admittedly, the car is pretty clean: an old school muscle car knockin’ some Bay music so hard the whole car is rattling.  When I stop behind it, I look to the bumper and see something that makes me do a triple take.  There, hanging and wobbling from the bumper are a pair of chrome BALLS.  No, not basketballs, baseballs, or even tennis balls, but TESTICLES.  Nuts.  Male genitalia.  The scrotum.  Gross.

Truck nuts, otherwise known as BumperBalls, are now not only found in the country because the city folk have picked up this strange form of expression.  That only means that more and more people must feel exactly as I do when they see a pair of balls on a car.  In fact, some states have banned truck nuts completely.  Men, if you feel that this is unjust to ban balls, the ban applies to all forms of genitalia being displayed on a car.

But here’s the thing…women don’t want to hang a vagina from a car.  What is the point?  We already know that guys have testicles, and that cars do not, so why does a car need a pair?  Ok, ok, ok, so if this is just freedom of expression, a way to show machismo, then please put a pair of boxer briefs over the bumper.  I know I’m not the only one that does not want to see balls when I’m cruising the boulevard, with my kid at that.  I don’t care if they’re chrome-out, natural and veiny, or candy apple red to match the paint.  Don’t think I’m hating on the scrotum, because it is an important, sacred body part, I’m just frustrated that those same guys that always talk about their balls now have to remind everyone what they look like.  Vulgar.

I would post a photo on here but I wouldn’t want to do that to you.  I would even link a photo of the balls but I don’t even want to be in anyway connected to a disgusting trend.  So, if you haven’t seen this for yourself, and are curious, google it!

Have you ever seen this in your hood?  Why do you think guys do this?

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2 Responses to “Little Miss Frustrated: I Don’t Want to See Your Balls”

  1. Bernadette says:

    I saw “a pair” on the freeway earlier this week, it makes me think that the balls hanging from their car are compensating for what they really have.. either that or their car is! Groooody to the 10th power!!

  2. I hope I never see this. Cmon, dudes.


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