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Friends vs. Significant Other

M.I.S.S.: Friends vs. Significant Other

What’s a gal to do when her friends don’t like or get along with her significant other? I’m not talking about girlfriends who get slightly annoyed by the way your new boyfriend talks or your posse who is slightly jealous of your budding romance. I’m talking about friends who will not hang out with you when your main squeeze is around. Your closest people having nothing nice to say about your beau. Perhaps they’ll be polite when caught off guard running into the two of you in public, but you have to hear the pleads to get out of the relationship or jabs at your boo behind his back. What to do when you’re stuck between the two sides? Let’s look at it from each viewpoint:

Side 1: from the friends

You want only the best for your friend. You want her happy, healthy, safe, and with all she deserves and wants from life. She is pretty darn special and you don’t want anybody to forget that. So how are you supposed to react when your lovely friend ends up in a relationship that is less than ideal? It may be with a recently met lowlife, a returning less-than-stellar ex, the umpteenth go ’round of a relationship that didn’t work, or a new boo that has other ladies in the picture. Bottom line: you don’t dislike the guy only because of your own taste- you’re trying to protect your loved one!

But is refusing to hang out with them protecting her? Are you being a friend when you aren’t a part her life so long as he is involved? Who is benefiting when she needs someone to turn to and you aren’t there for her? Is this tough love, or just tough?

Side 2: from the one in love

You love your friends. You understand they have your best intentions (somewhere) at heart, but why must they put you in the middle and make it suck for you? This person is significant to you for a reason, and while you have listened to your friends’ concerns, you’re also listening to your heart. You appreciate your friends looking out for you, but now that you’ve heard them and have made a choice, you want to live freely and see where this goes. It hurts that your friends don’t hear you now. It’s painful that they’re ditching you because of who you love.  You hate making lies to each side so as not to upset them. So, do you find new friends? You’re not ready to give up on this love, but even if you did, wouldn’t you always think about it and have a piece of you that blames others about the end of your relationship? You’ve weighed the pros and cons, and now you want to just enjoy your romance.

But didn’t you pick these friends for a reason? Sure, chemistry mixed with love is a phenomena, but good friends aren’t exactly sprouting up all over the place. You could find people who want to hang out with you + boo, but they aren’t the same people who had your back before, have your history, and make you laugh in just that way. Have you really been thinking rationally when you claim you’ve thought out both sides?

I’ve been on both sides, and they both suck. The bottom line is someone is missing from someone else’s life no matter how this plays out, and that’s tough. But just because this is a hard situation doesn’t mean there isn’t a way to make something work. Communicate. Sympathize with the other side. Even though you may think the lovergirl or friends are crazy or ridiculous, there is more than likely good intentions at heart. Hear it from their side, really from their side instead of you filtering their side, and see what comes from it. It may not be easy, but some relationships are worth the effort.

Have you been in this situation? What do you think?

Image Layout: Margaret

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