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Shake Your Ex the Healthy Way

Healing Hearts

We’ve all gone through break ups and let’s face it, they are never easy. Some are harder than others, some take more planning to move past, and sometimes we get sucked back into unhealthy situations or relationships we know aren’t good for us. It’s especially hard when the ex is in your life, not wanting to let go, and is not good for you. In case you are in this situation now or in the future, here are some tips to keep in your pocket so you get shake your ex the healthy way:

1. Set up a strong friend support system

There is no “easy” way to get through this nor will you want to get through this alone. Especially since you’re moving past someone who was part of your support system, make sure you bulk up on the rest of it.

Take it beyond having shoulders to cry on, distractions, and people to bitch to; designate a friend as a surrogate person to call/text when you’re tempted to call/text/respond to the ex. This way you can actually say what you want to say and express yourself, perhaps not to the ex, but at least it’s not just a battle of willpower.  Get those thoughts and feelings of your system/space, and have your support there to keep you going strong.

2. Delete from facebook, twitter, Buzz, etc.
Delete the ex and all of the people who connect you as to avoid receiving any unwanted “news updates.” If they are really your friends, you will have an alternate way to communicate with them and you can always re-add them after you’re over it.

3. Block from instant messenger
This doesn’t just mean you delete their name from AIM, GChat, or other web chats. You need to block the ex so they cannot message you and see when you are on, therefore cutting out the ex from contacting you here or tempting you to target your status messages toward the ex.

4. Delete from phone
Even though you may have the ex’s number memorized, it helps not to see the name.

5. Delete pictures from phone and computer
You don’t need to look at them longingly and reminisce as it won’t further your cause.

6. Toss all belongings of the ex
I’m not saying go to the ex’s place and trash it, but you may have some belongings of his or hers in your place. Things are just things and you don’t need the ex’s things to clutter your space or trigger you.

7. Make a memo of what you want to say
Perhaps you can’t get a hold of a friend or you’re embarrassed to say what is going through your head. Instead of pretending you’re not thinking it or reaching out to the ex, capture it in a memo. Keep a running memo on your phone (or draft email or notepad on your computer or notes in your journal, whatever works) of all the things you want to say. This is especially helpful if the ex is getting in touch with you and you want to respond yet know it’ll lead down an unhealthy path.

Bonus: look back at all the words you’ve captured and over time, they may become funny. You may see patterns, things to improve upon, issues to handle, or things that don’t even matter anymore.

8. Stay busy
The idea isn’t for you to suppress your feelings or pretend like the ex doesn’t exist at all, but too much brooding can be unhealthy. So, have other things to insert where you + ex would have time together or you + ice cream + tears would be making nightly dates. Make plans for days/times that are particularly sensitive, like anniversaries, special occasions, places you normally run into each other, etc.  And those times when you are by yourself, be sure to enjoy and take in what you have at that moment, not just what you may be missing.

9. Be compassionate with yourself
You’re not weak or stupid or anything else derogatory for what you experience as you get through this. Feel what you’re going to feel, think what you’re going to think, and know it will pass. You’re not any one feeling or thought or occurrence. Show yourself some compassion.

Image Layout: Margaret

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3 Responses to “Shake Your Ex the Healthy Way”

  1. Randi Hernandez Randi Hernandez says:

    This is a good tool for journalling with less of a time commitment. After 5 years, you WILL be laughing at yourself. Plus it’s not public like Twitter. http://www.momastore.org/museum/moma/ProductDisplay_5%20Year%20Diary%20(HC)_10451_10001_48201_-1_11524_11528_null__

  2. Randi- love that! They make it easy.


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