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Skimkim Yummies: Giving Spanks


Next week, we all give spanks to the people we love by ingesting inordinate amounts of rich, savory and then way too sweet Yummies. Men unbutton their pants and women prepare by wearing spandex, elastic wastebands, and/or big sweaters. But, we all breathe a sigh of contentment and take looks around the table and do mental checklists on the people sitting across from us.

Aunt Jenny (the youngest cool aunt that you can drink bourbon with): That stuffing was amazing. Keep drinking that wine, this should get funny.

Memah (sweet, loving gramma who wins hearts by always having Twix on hand): I hope she’s passed her turkey recipe on to someone. I am volunteering next year.

Mom (bless her heart): I wish she’d stop trying on her green bean casserole. So gross.

Stewart (redneck avid paintballin’ cousin who sells guns at Dick’s and you love him for it): He better not even try to make me wash these dishes. I’ll tell his mom he’s had sex…she’ll flip.

Then we look at the mess that is the table and wonder: What the hell are we gonna do with all these leftovers??? Here’s an impressive recipe for a turkey salad, unlike the traditional chicken salad with too much mayo, disruptive celery and overly flavorful onion (can you tell I’m picky?).


(or Orange Cranberry Turkey Salad)


•   2-3 cups of leftover turkey, shredded/cubed/diced–doesn’t matter

•   1 cup dried cranberries

•   1/2 cup toasted pine nuts (put on sheet pan and bake at 350° for 10-12 min until golden brown)

•   1/2 cup fresh sage, chopped

•   zest from 1/2 an orange (use fine cheese grater if you don’t have a zester)

•   1/4 cup orange juice

•   1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil (EVOO, I hate you Rachel Ray, but it works)

•   juice from half the zested orange

•   salt n’ peppa


Throw turkey, cranberries, nuts, and sage in bowl. Next toss in zest and then juice and EVOO. Salt N’ Peppa. Taste. ALWAYS TASTE (Top Chef fans know what happens if you don’t–”Pack Your Knives Time”). If you have more turkey, throw a little more wet ingredients in. You want the meat to be super oiled up and beautiful. Not caught in your throat dry.

Notes: Use your [clean] hands. Don’t mess with dirtying up spoons that break and pull the ingredients to shreds. Also, you can use chicken if you and your fam actually eat all the turkey. It does happen sometimes. Or maybe Someone royally screwed up and put the frozen bird in the oven and ding! it went bad cuz it barely came up to temperature. Or Someone baked the bird while watching a LOST marathon and forgot about time.

Throw your delectable edibles between some toasted whole grain bread w/ honey dijon or garlic mayo. Or put it on a bed of mixed greens for a carb-free lunch. Let’s do this.

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